Beauty Tips for Ministers

Men’s Boots

Mi amigo Adam, when not struggling with his Doctor of Ministry work, has been thinking about boots. He wants some advice about boots for guys.

In researching these boots, I found myself channeling a Minnesota man with a thick Minnesota accent. Don’t ask why (I lived in Minnesota for two years, maybe that’s why). You can find all of these on Zappos.com. They are in a wide range of prices — everything from $59 to $300.

Here ya got the basic kinda sporty boot by Magnum. These’ll do ya fine, now.

Here are some more sporty type boots by The North Face. Kinda preppy, the way a lot of you New England folk like.

These Timberlands here are up a step in the classy factor. Still good for the weather, there, and you won’t slip on the ice, there.

Don’t be wearing UGGS for guys. What kind of man shoe is that, now? People will think you accidentally wore your wife’s shoes outta the house! Oh, for dumb.

Now that there is a self-respecting boot by Chippewa (Oiled Wellington) that any working man wouldn’t sniffle at. You could wear those to your ordinary office day and your fancier events except a funeral.

Ya got these Doc Martens that seem a little bit too high fashion for me, but I’ve gotta say that’s a real nice boot there.

I suppose you could do worse than these here Frye boots but I don’t know. They’re awful close to something a cowboy might wear, and why in the world do you want to look like you live in Texas or something?

These are a fancy type pair of boots that you might want to have for those special occasions like a conference or something. They’re by a fellow named Giorgio Brutini, not that I can pronounce that. Sounds like spaghetti sauce.

Lotta fellas like that there square toe. I happen to be kind of partial to it myself. Someone called Zengara makes these and they’re not too hard on the wallet, either.

Okay, then. You can get these boots from Zappos.com but there’s nothing wrong with just going to the local store, either.

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She Is Lady Sir Bulk-A-Lot

Dear PeaceBang,
I have a large bosom. Now that the weather is cold(er), I am wearing more sweaters and shirts with high collars. The problem is that I look REALLY top heavy. Like an armor-plated medieval knight. How can I fix this? Should I just give up turtlenecks for good?

Dear Sir Bulk-A-Lot,

As a sister Knight in the Order of the Bodacious Chest, PeaceBang totally understands your concern. Too much fabric around the neck and upper body not only can make us look strangely large and out-of-proportion, it can make us look uncomfortable, as though we’re strangling.
I think layering lighter fabrics works well. Try wearing a fitted, lightweight-long sleeved T-shirt (they even make them in “layering weight” now!) a cardigan over that, and a cute scarf around the neck. In other words, instead of wearing one big bulky garment, play with layering lighter layers. That’s why I own a ton of cardigans and little jackets and scarves.

If you break up the neckline (eg, mock turtleneck, V-necked cardigan, loose fringey scarf), you will most certainly avoid the breastplate look you wish to avoid. There’s no reason to shun turtlenecks entirely if they work for you: just don’t pair them with a fitted crewneck sweater. Try something with a deep V-neck and belt it at the waist to draw the eye downward. Secret tip: wearing belts can help keep you warmer, since they stop air from circulating around your mid-section! Es verdad!

Stay warm!
Kiss of peace,
PV

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Genie Pants

Divinity Girl wants to know what’s up with the “new” genie pants. Are they made to accommodate adult diapers or what?

Oh, Div Girl. You must be so young. You do not remember MC Hammer (do I hear the faint guitar riffs of “U Can’t Touch This?”). You did not live through the 1980’s as PeaceBang did, an era when she was much smaller and actually wore genie pants. Hers were red and fitted from the knee to the ankle and she wore them with a gauzy white Indian shirt and sandals and went on many dates with boys. They were silly and cute and great to dance in.

These, however, are scary. Maybe it’s that the model so obviously needs a sandwich. Maybe it’s the long stretch of bare leg and then the unhappy surprise of the shoe-bootie on the foot:

Whatever it is, these genies should be stuffed right back into the bottle. And no clergyman or women should even think about wearing genie pants. In case you were wondering, and I know you weren’t. ‘Cause you ain’t dumb.

BOW-bow-dow-dow, can’t touch this!

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Too-Sexy Boots

Hey there boo-boos!! Have you missed us!? We have MISSED YOU! We like to speak in the royal we as though we had an entire devoted staff working on this blog when really it’s just little ole us.

Let’s be mindful of how sexy-sexy our footwear’s getting out there, okay? Because it’s one thing to be stylish and pizzazzy and with-it, and another to look like we’re moonlighting at Miss Mona’s All-Night House of Lovin’ (discount if you bring a friend!).

High-heeled boots are just plain sexy, so that’s a dose of cayenne to the ministerial image right there.

These are just scary. No one should be wearing a heel or a toe like that in ministry, ever:

These gorgeous Ralph Lauren boots (for a mere $950!! *choke*) are a stunning color and style but I’m sorry, no on the stiletto heel. They’re just too glam:

These are better, but if you’re rocking them with a shorter skirt or dress and leg showing with bare hose, please back into the closet and try again. That’s too hot for a pastor: wear opaque tights and save the flash o’ gam for date night:

These Steve Maddens are so cute I can’t stand it. The rounded toe makes them less aggressively hoochie mama, the buckle is super-pretty, and they’re classic. These would look fabulous with a dress (Don’t you LOVE the grey color? So hard to find!):

General guideline: if you could conceivably stab someone in the jugular with your heel, don’t wear it for anything church-related.

Here’s footage of an ACTUAL BTFM reader, the Lovely and Reverend Diane Miller, purchasing a wonderful pair of Frye boots in Portland, Maine:

That is a really beautiful and classic boot. She’ll have those for decades.

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Flashy Gal Pastor!

Dear PeaceBang,

I have been assoc. pastor for 4 1/2 months for a local XXX church parish. Four churches. I switch off preaching to two of them with the senior pastor every two weeks.

Shortening this up a lot, here’s the deal: I have MANY clothes from my past 35 years of teaching, ending spring of ‘09, in my closet. I have started pulling out the more “serious” pieces for worship services, meetings, etc., but I still have many colorful shirts and tops which do not look particularly “pastorly.” Okay, so what do I do about tops I LOVE which have some sequins on the front to accent a colorful Parisian scene, for example? I hate to rid myself of these pieces I love, but at the majority of places I go, I wish to maintain my new status in my appearance– by what I wear. What is too flashy for women pastors? I still wear my cargo pants but also use more classic tops, in that case. Seems one distinctive piece at a time might work, though not cargos and sequins on the shirt together. I have many nice blazers and jackets for colder seasons in the Midwest. I do loathe the idea of dressing nicer than my parishioners, though in this rural area, some women (and many men) are accustomed to wearing jeans to Sunday services. I’ve worn a skirt every Sunday since I started in July though I could happily wear pants each Sunday in winter if given the green light. (Haven’t asked.) I don’t want to dump a lot of stuff, since I like my (past life) wardrobe a lot.

So,Victoria, just some fashion guidelines for this rookie pastor would be helpful. I’ll be a fairly youthful [50-something] next month and am not attending seminary or other schooling as of yet, since I have this step called CANDIDACY to accomplish before doing so.

Please take your time on this. Appearance conveys such an image–an unspoken message–to others! I hope to show I am appropriately and modestly clothed (no cleavage, for sure) and not obviously trying to get visual attention, yet individualistic in my self-expression. I work with the parish youth group also, many previously my students in junior high and high school, and they respond well to jeans on teachers and spiritual leaders alike, I’ve found. BTW, my husband thinks I look great in everything, bless his heart.

Shalom,
[Newbie Pastor]

Dear Newbie!
OH NO! What terrible news! You have PERSONALITY and an individual sense of STYLE!!
Just kidding you, kiddo.

This is a great letter, and I appreciate the accompanying photos that show you to be a petite, vibrant-looking lady who is in great shape and has a sense of fun with her clothes.

As you know, I agree wholeheartedly with you that your new image as a pastor is one that you want to take seriously and craft with intention, and I therefore commend you for taking a long look at your wardrobe and choosing judiciously from among your more colorful and even eccentric pieces. As you have intuited, one stand-out piece per outfit is a very good general guideline. So if you want to wear that hypothetical zebra print jacket, pair it with very tailored other pieces and make sure you’re wearing it for an appropriate occasion where “fun” or “wild” wouldn’t seem bizarre and/or distracting.

PeaceBang loves her some sequins but can’t think of one church event at which sequins would make any sense at all. She advises you to save them for nights out with your supportive and wonderful hubby. They’re just too flashy for the pastor’s wardrobe, even with a jacket over them and black pants.

As for dressing “nicer” than your parishioners, I wonder if you could think of it as dressing for work, while your parishioners are dressed for a day of rest? In other words, if you are in a suit and silk scarf on Sunday mornings and they are in jeans, are you really dressing “nicer” than them in some display of competitive status or is it really that you’re showing your respect for your role and for the Church? Only you can answer that question, because every community is different. In some congregations, folks gather to worship in flannel shirts and coveralls but would be shocked and offended if their pastor showed up for church in anything but a suit and tie. In others, a critical eye is cast on the minister if he or she seems to be “too fancy.” In still others, the members of the church are so swankified, the minister couldn’t possibly hope to keep up with all the Beau Brummels on his salary. He suffers great insecurity because his shoes are worn and his elbows patched. Since you serve FOUR congregations (bless your busy heart!), you will have to suss out the culture in each one and find a happy medium that allows you to go from one to the next without becoming sartorially schizophrenic.

A word on the cargo pants: I’d save them for casual summer days at the office. They’re just too sporty and casual and funky for ministry work. While I don’t want you to feel that you have to jettison all the distinctive pieces from your closet, I do want you to think about working from funky to more elegant- with-touches-of-funky. Keep a close, editing eye on cut and style: shirts with cut-outs or fringe are no-no’s. Skirts with glitz-factor, sheer fabrics or funny hems– also no-no’s. Avoid shiny fabrics unless they’re on tailored pieces and used for accents under more tailored garments. Remember how much of an impact a dramatic accessory can make and stop there rather than add another high-interest piece.

It may be time to take some of those truly out-there garments and let them have a new life with another owner. Think on these things…!

Send photos and show us some of your outfits! We’d love to see your transformation!

Kiss of peace, PB and your sisters and brothers in ministry

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Clarks on Wicked Sale

Alert Reader Joanna sent me this link. Clark sandals for $17? Wow!
Some styles are frumpalicious but some are cute, and all are well-made and comfortable.

Check it ow-it! Thanks, Jo!

CUTE!

Frump!

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