Beauty Tips for Ministers

A Quick Zip Through the Latest on Nordstrom.com

This is a suit. It’s a perfectly nice suit. Note, however, the fabulosity of the bright contrasting blouse with the neutral ivory of the suit. Touches like that will get you noticed.

Here is a suit with a bit more personality. Also a good investment. I don’t love the blouse underneath but the suit itself works fine.

Here’s another version of a “suit,” but more informal and with yet scads more personality. This is what we’d call “pulling together a look” from separates. It’s a bit “sailor girl” for clergy, but the idea of the wide-legged trouser and the unstructured navy jacket could be re-interpreted appropriately for our position.

I think these pants are way too tight, but again, it’s a suit “look” without being a traditional suit.
This is the sort of outfit one might wear to an informal luncheon interview; never to a dinner. And of course one would button up the top. But look at the lines and the interplay of colors. Classic, classic but very fashionable.

This is simply fabulous. Feminine, comfortable, elegant. Professional. Classic and super fashionable. Wear this outfit after you get the job; the lines are too soft for an interview.

Whereas this is just hideous. It’s an infantile color, and the cropped pants and matchy-matchiness of the whole ensemble just scream “Boca Raton” (and not in a good way).

Here’s another disaster fresh off the Nordstrom web site. I shudder to think. The fabric of the skirt if incredibly dated, the blazer is unspeakable and the only virtue one can think to utter of the entire eyesore is that it matches. You see why “matching” is no inherent virtue?

And one of my favorite combinations for the spring: the fresh frock and cardie. Always a winner for a day at the office.

So you see, kids (and especially those of you who have interviews coming up) a “suit” can be a lot of things. Separates are your friend. You have many of them in your own closet right now. Start shopping. Pull the possibilities, try them on, invite a friend over with her own separates, and have fun. These were all taken from Nordstrom’s web site, in case you were wondering. And if you’re doing an entire season of serious interviewing for your first job, yes, I do think it’s reasonable to consider spending $300 on a fantastic suit. I also think it’s very possible that you can find something just as good or better at a consignment store or in a friend’s closet.

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She’s Got Tats, A Facial Piercing, And An Interview!

Hello! I am one of the seminarians you met while visiting at ________. It was wonderful to have that brief time with you at lunch. I know you are on sabbatical for a while (hope you are loving being in Nica!), but I thought I’d send you this question while I’m thinking about it.

I’m one of those students you mentioned with an interesting facial piercing and a couple tattoos. I like to dress to have fun and to claim femininity in a place where women prove they are serious through wearing incredibly boring earth-toned outfits and horrible comfort shoes (this is actually worse in my home diocese in western Washington). I am applying for an associate position in an upper-middle class white suburban church in [the Pacific Northwest]. They are flying me out for interviews in March. I’m wondering how to dress for this without feeling like I am wearing my mom’s clothes. I am probably going to wear long sleeves so they can meet me and love me before freaking out about the tattoos. But should I take out my facial piercing? For my outfit, I am thinking: fun, basic, flattering, not-tight black pants, a shirt that is fun without being over-the-top (how to do this with boobs that dominate?! I cannot find a buttoned shirt that fits to save my life), and a light jacket. I will leave my fanciest shoes at home, although fancy shoes make me feel so much better about everything. Something with a short stacked heel? I am going to get a haircut beforehand and probably am going to dye my hair from the slightly gothy dark dark red it is now to a dark brown. Any other advice you can give would help immensely.

Abu

Dearest Abundantly-Chested, Facially-Pierced, Tattooed Woman of God,

How exciting! First of all, as many readers have reminded me to remain aware of, let’s remember that you now abide in a gigantic megatropolis where facial piercings, tattoos and magenta hair are ordinary fare. The Pacific NW, as we have discussed on this blog before, is a land where Patagonia, and not Prada, counts as high couture.

So you want to be yourself but also look appropriate for both your vocational and professional aspirations and for your setting. Being appropriate does not mean assimilating or even subduing your personal sense of style, but it does mean paying attention (and due respect) to your the norms of your environment. (Gads, she’s not being ANY help at all here!)

I know, dear, I know. That’s because I want to say something about attitude before I say much about fashion choices.

Your statement “dress to have fun and claim femininity” raised an immediate red flag for me. Not because there’s anything wrong with wanting to be femmy and fun, but because that phrase reads right out of Grad School-Speak 101, and as a small-town pastor I just want to say, “GIRL, (airy hand wave) put down that feminist hermeneutics stuff and get REAL over here!” In other words, that kind of high-falutin’ phraseology (and the mind-set that goes with it) could hurt you more than a facial piercing if it comes out a whole lot during your interview. “Claim femininity?” I have my M.Div. from HDS and you have yours from an equally nose-bleed-inducing liberal Ivory Tower, so I get what you’re saying — but now is the time for plainer talk and plainer thinking. Make sure to put down the Lacan and pick up a PEOPLE before you hit the airport, know what I mean? Make time to read Twilight. Go see “Me and Marley” or “Confessions of a Shopaholic.” You may like to claim femininity but you’re trying to get a job during a serious recession.

SO, about clothes.

I agree that long sleeves is a good idea for now. It will be cold where you’re going, so that’s a no-brainer. As far as the facial piercing goes, if you intend to keep it in while you pastor, it would be only honest to have it in while you interview, right? And if mahogany hair looks really great on you, keep your mahogany hair. Just be aware that it accentuates sallow skin and dark circles. If you really want to go brunette, by all means do. Just don’t do it to “fit in” — especially if you feel the least bit of rebellion stirring in your heart about feeling that you should. If this congregation wants you, they’ll want you as you look and feel your best. What’s more appealing than you being authentic? Nothing!

If your “fun” shoes are the most exciting thing in your wardrobe, I would just go ahead and build your most important outfit around them. I’ve done this myself in the past and it’s always a winner. If I have a pair of shoes I’m just DYING to wear — like that 6th grade I’m-dying-for-it-to-be-Valentine’s-Day-so-I-can-wear-my-red-sequin-heart-shirt-feeling (and I should be dead the day I’m too old to have that feeling again) — I create my outfit around them because IF I DON’T I WILL BE THINKING ABOUT THOSE SHOES FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. Maybe not consciously, but deep down they’ll be there, distracting me.

Start with the shoes and go from there. Are they purple ankle strap wedges? Pair them with black hose, a gray tweed knee-length skirt, a black turtleneck and a great belt, a pair of silver earrings, and you’re set to go. Make sure you can sit comfortably in the skirt.

Are they moss green Peter Pan boots? Wear them with a pair of long, flared woolen trousers in a neutral color, with a fitted faux cashmere sweater under a semi-cropped navy blazer. Add a great chunky bracelet, blow your hair shiny and straight (using a round brush to give it lift at the roots), tuck it neatly behind your ears and wear small hoops. Keep your make-up mostly neutral but not so much that you look dead. With magenta hair you need CHEEKS and LIPS.

A dress is another good idea for your breast-acular figure. I personally hate the neckline on most dresses so much I could chew my own arm off to avoid wearing them, but even I have found a few in recent years that don’t make me look like my 4th grade piano teacher (who was actually quite beautiful, sorry Mrs. R!). Just for God’s sake avoid vests and other disasters of This Looked So Good When I Was Standing In Front Of A Mirror And OH MY GOD Now I’m Sitting Down, like buttoned blazers.

As far as the fun top goes, avoid the babydoll or empire waists that are so “in” right now. I wear them all the time but they’re not appropriate for an interview. Avoid anything that ties in the back or the front. Consider a classic sweater set in a dark (even fun) color and don’t feel the need to wear it a size too large. Think of this: you can do funky shoes and funky slacks if you keep the top classic, right? So why not have fun that way? Just make sure those slacks are fabulously fitted and beautifully made and cut. No shiny fabrics. Nothing nubby or trendy. Remember that what is simply “in” in your megatropolis is a fashion statement in Padooka, Pacific NW.

In review: I’m suggesting your most happy shoes, a pair of great slacks or tailored skirt, a classic sweater set or sweater-and-blazer set (depending on what’s most flattering) and your favorite hair color and nose piercing IN. You want to look like yourself at your most polished and professional, not like anyone else and especially not like your mother. She doesn’t need this job; she wants you to get it.

Kiss of peace and let us know how it goes!

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Nancy Pelosi’s Clap-Off Outfit

Rev. Gidget referenced Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s pea-green outfit here and bid me comment on it:

I think Pelosi’s a class act. The suit isn’t great, but it isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Of course it’s hard to get a good look at it because she’s jumping up and down so much. But here’s an example of good hair and make-up redeeming a not-so-fabulous sartorial choice. If she had been wearing a smashing outfit and not had her hair and make-up done, that would have been far less appropriate.

I also LOVE her bracelets!

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“Does This Recession Make Me Look Dumpy?”

Darlings, PB flings her arms heavenward while reading this article from The Boston Globe.

She has a few remarks to make.

1. Bostonians ALWAYS look schlubby. We’re KNOWN for it. This has made PeaceBang crazy for years. Ride our public transportation in the winter and try to decide which is more drab: the landscape outside (dirty snow piled against curbs, bare trees spiking the grey sky) or the people on the T in their jeans, blue, black and tattle-tale gray outfits, wan complexions and colorless winter accessories (oh, for a fun striped muffler or a bright hat!). Our society dames are notorious for attending black tie events in fabulous frocks with nary a stitch of make-up on their faces or a blow-dryer applied to their dull do’s. Ack.

2. We can be frugal without being frumpy.

3. Now, more than ever, we need to keep our spirits up. Walking around in a dreary fashion is no way to do that.

4. Repeat after me, clergymen and women: “We shall not use the recession as an excuse for sloppiness!”

5. We can cut out luxuries without resorting to Schlubdom.

6. One practical tip: now is a good time to divest our closets of all the “lastest fashions” that were hot last year, pare down to the true classics and bring out our most tailored and elegant accessories (the best and most well-made belts, wristwatches, pearls, pumps, boots, silk scarves). Keep these items in perfect repair and eschew “the latest fashion” in favor of timeless classics.

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