(By the way, you helped me a year and a half ago concerning dressing for a music ministry position. Never even got the interview, as it turned out, but back in September I got a wonderful exec. assistant position that makes it easy to afford to stay in the part-time music position that I have and love. We dress business professional EVERY day at my office, not even occasional business casual. I have taken many of the conversations here at BTFM to heart and they’ve served me well so far, given the dearth of truly affordable, well-fitting actual suits in the woman petite departments. Sigh. I’ve managed to dress elegantly and with a little fun panache, in some things I wouldn’t have thought to try had it not been for WTFM. So you not only rock your fellow ministers — you rock us business world sorts, too. Thanks!)

I am not naturally very large in the chest region, but I am carrying a significant amount of excess “padding” and therefore find myself needing a fairly large size bra (large compared to my “regular” size of 34A 20-30 years ago). And yes, like all my “certain age” sisters, gravity has taken its toll, so I require more support than in former days.

Here’s my problem: All I can seem to find in my size are bras constructed of very thin layers of fabric. And when there’s the least little chill in the air, if I’m wearing a regular blouse or top, I’m acutely aware that I’m exhibiting far more in the way of anatomical contours than I’m comfortable exhibiting. Not even whatever that brand is that has a little flower-shaped thingy in the strategic spot inside the cups, prevents my response to cold from showing to all present.

I do not want a super-padded bra! I just want “the girls” to be discretely covered whether it’s warm or cold in the room.

Any hints?? Recommendations of specific brands or styles? Please help!

[First of all, thank you for making me laugh, M! I know just what you're talking about and I really like Lane Bryant bras -- they call their lingerie line "Cacique" -- for their choices in both good coverage without padding AND their nicely padded bras for wear with sweaters and suits. Let me know if you find anything that works! - PB]

Now, on to the bras. Don’t blame your size for everything. Fit and functionality — even sizes themselves — vary tremendously from one maker to another. Within makers, styles also affect fit and even size. I had to bring over twenty bras in several different makers for one customer to get the smooth and supportive but lacy style she wanted.

Second, when you find something that works, buy many copies. Bras are UNDERWEAR! It is shocking how many women are “getting by” with one or two. Yes, because they are expensive and a pain to handwash (never in the machine for a good bra). I personally own about fifteen-twenty bras in many styles and fabrics, and they are all worth it. I can handwash three weeks’ worth pretty quickly by rolling them up in a clean bathsheet as they come out of the basin (never wring them out) and laying them across my three drying racks.

Thirdly, bras are not made to last very long. Elastic gives way, stretchy fabric loses its taunt original shape. It’s a real bonanza for the manufacturers. Think of those extra bras in the rotation and the resulting hand-washing festivals as your effort to beat their profit system.

Fourth, if you, like me, are not blessed with the enormity problem, then good fit is EVEN MORE IMPORTANT! It can make the difference between lumps and curves.

Here ends the lesson.

My dear Mother used to patronize a shop that would actually alter a bra for her – darts here or there, or whatever it needed. I once went to a highly recommended brassiere shop, looking forward to finally having the perfect measurement, and hoping for the same sort of service.

As far as measuring me, they did everything right, I assure you. But – I am five feet tall, and overweight. I’m one of those people who carry all of their weight in the gut and up. When I pointed out that my forty-mumble multipleD bra, which fit the girls themselves perfectly, had underwires hitting my armpits and threatening my throat, the advice I received was to bend the ends of the wire. Don’t try that. Don’t.

Beyond that, the chafing beneath my chest was so bad that I started using – never mind, this is too much information. I have psoriasis, and the friction led to sores.

And so I switched to wireless bras. And I found I could get really good bras that fit me in Avenue (fairly expensive), and even in Walmart (for less money), if I was ruthless about trying bras on, and only using my nominal size as a starting point, and going up or down a cup or band size at will. If I buy a bra and it doesn’t fit me perfectly, it is gone. If it’s been tried once or twice, and is clean, the Salvation Army gets it. Otherwise it’s in the trash. And when it’s stretched out, it goes in the trash.

I now have a small wardrobe of bras. With some of them, certain blouses will gap hideously, and with others the same blouse will look fabulous. Some of them are right for exercising, and some are not.

It really isn’t cheap, but of all our garnments I think these are worth the most effort and attention.

Here endeth the confession.

Ask around for a recommendation for an independent lingerie store in your area, if you can. (I love Aphrodite’s in Ventura, California.) Consider taking a girlfriend for moral support if it suits your temperament. It just might change your life. [And with that profound remark, let me add that it would also be kind of hard to go to a store and say, "My friend measured me for a new bra and I bought four of these derned things a cup size too small! Could I return them, please?" You'd get laughed out of the place. However, if you go in and say, "Although your lovely sales associate fitted me last week, I seem to experience Extreme Boob Squishage in the bras I subsequently purchased. Might I please return these and get re-fitted? - PB]