Beauty Tips for Ministers

We Most of Us Did the Same

Don’t fret if you stuffed yourself far too full on Thanksgiving Day, my pets.

Many of us did the same.

And today is another day.

Just maybe try to go easy on the leftovers. I say this with no real conviction that I’ll be able to do that myself, but hope springs eternal and life goes on… even if your jeans are feeling pretty tight.

I hope you had a lovely holiday.

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Photo Directories and Vouz

There cameth today in my inbox this inquiry,

I am a late-twenties female pastor facing a new photo directory at church. This the first directory since I’ve been at the congregation, and it’s likely to last 3-4 years. Please help with suggestions for dealing with the ubiquitous blue backgrounds and the inane hand-under-chin poses that the photographers seem to urge on all single women?

First of all, I love how this clergywoman phrases this question. I’m FACING a new photo directory, she writes, as though she’s going before a firing squad. I envision her standing there, eyes blindfolded, bravely awaiting the bullets.
And girl, that ain’t no way to prep for such a great opportunity! And that goes for us all: Darlings, don’t dread the photo, prepare for it.

PeaceBang’s Tips For Photo Directories

1. Dress in something classic and professional with a good neckline. When you are seated before the photographer, take a moment to adjust your top. Nothing should be bunching, so if you’re wearing a blouse under a blazer, pull it all down before you sit and sit ON the hem of your jacket. Layers look nice, just be sure to primp them appropriately, using a mirror.

2. Keep accessories classic. No Red Sox jewelry, distracting sentimental favorites or big “statement” pieces. This is time to bring out the best and simplest. Don’t obliterate your personality, just remember that this is an archival document.

3. Practice your pose and angle in the mirror if you’re not a confident model, and who is?

4. Ladies, be extremely attentive to your make-up that day. Keep it minimal, keep it natural, blend like crazy, and blend sparingly-applied foundation up into your hairline and down into your neck using a damp make-up sponge if you have one. Blend rouge well — do NOT go before the bright lights with Brown Pancake Face (which happens to women of all colors). Your lips should not be the same color as your skin. Use lipstick, apply it carefully and BLOT it. Avoid anything with a purple or rusty overtone — it will look horrid under the lights and age you. Even if you never wear eye make-up, consider curling your lashes and using mascara — it will brighten your face and eyes considerably.

5. Style your hair nicely, and be prepared to fuss with it again immediately before you are photographed. This is no time for false modesty: ask someone in your office if it looks okay and let them help with the brush if you need help. Everyone: shampoo your hair if it’s short. I know that slightly dirty hair styles better, and I don’t advocate shampooing it every day in general but the photographer’s lights will pick up the slightest lank piece or greasy part, trust me. Bald gents, there’s not a thing wrong with applying a very light dusting of baby powder over your noggin to cut the shine. Just make sure it’s a very light dusting and well brushed away.

6. Know your best smile. Practice it. Get comfortable with it. I tend to widen my eyes out of nerves when I’m posing, causing me to look like a wild-eyed psycho. When I practice my smile I have to remember to relax my eyes.
Model trick: Placing your tongue on the roof of your mouth when you smile gives your face a nice lift and avoids double-chin syndrome (since I have three chins, I have to angle my head down to achieve the same effect).

7. DO NOT LET THE PHOTOGRAPHER RUN YOUR SESSION.
AND I REPEAT: DO NOT LET THE PHOTOGRAPHER RUN YOUR SESSION!

When you enter the room, introduce yourself to him or her and shake his or her hand (and let’s assume for now that he’s a he). Tell the photographer that you’re so happy to be working with Company X (which contracted with him, of course, and which he ostensibly would like to keep shooting for) and that you’re looking forward to this new photo directory. SLOW DOWN HIS PACE. INTERRUPT HIS FLOW. Bring him a cup of coffee, a bottle of water, an organic chocolate bar. Take control of the situation. Ask him how everyone has been so far. Ask him how business has been lately. And as you chat, sit yourself on the stool or seat provided and start orienting yourself toward the lens. Begin to talk to it, and not to him. He will understand what you are doing; this is not rude, it is about getting comfortable with your purpose there.

DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE RUSHED. Do a final check of hair, make-up and teeth with a small mirror that you have brought in with you. Tell the photographer that, as the minister, you are hoping he can help you create a really good professional shot because if this turns out well, you intend to purchase a package and use this photograph as your professional headshot. Be extremely respectful, kind and in control. Treat him as an artist, not a hack. Very few church directory photographers think that this gig is doing is worthy of their talents — they do it for the money. When you show up and treat him like Richard Avedon, he may rise to the compliment.

Tell him what you think your good side is, and ask for his opinion. If you have worries, enlist his help in making you look better (“I have this part of my hair that has a wild cowlick — is there an angle you think might draw less attention to it?”). Be the fun break in his endless stream of families, couples and the inevitable “creative type with dog.” Be in cahoots with him; make him see you differently. Tell him what you hope the photograph will communicate (“I am hoping to wind up with a headshot that projects warmth and energy. Will you tell me if I look like I’m trying too hard? I have tendency to make my eyes psycho wide — please don’t hesitate to tell me if I’m doing that.”)

NEVER agree to a pose that feels cheesy. Be tactful. Say, “That sounds fun but I think that I’d to stay with something more classic” or “I don’t know if I can pull that off confidently — can we try a few more traditional poses first and see if I can work my way into what you’ve suggested?” The idea is to get yourself more options.

Remember, duckies: No one can take a bad professional photograph of you without your help and permission.

And finally, this: When a photographer says “relax” or “look natural,” without taking careful time to pose you first, that’s nonsense. If he’s doing his job right, you should be given explicit directions as to how to move your body and face and shoulders for the most flattering shot, and this will NOT feel natural or relaxing. It’s his job to get you into the best pose, and your job to relax, find your confident center, sit up straight, and smile your best smile once you get there. Any photographer who blows you off, freezes you out or patronizes you for trying to work with him to get a good shot is indeed a hack. Sit politely for him, do not order a thing from his company, and simply replace the hideous shots he took with a headshot you prefer.

The last church photo directory photographer I worked with was a very cool guy but I forgot to sit up straight in most photos and had messy wrinkles in my blazer, and a kind of sickly smile on my face. As a compromise, I used one of the professional photos for the front page “A Message From the Minister” bit, but submitted own theatre headshots for the family pages. As Tim Gunn says, “Make it work!”

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“On The Street: The Mark Of a Gentleman”

An absolutely marvelous pictorial with commentary by photographer Bill Cunningham of the New York Times.

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/11/22/fashion/20081123-street-feature/index.html

I think these guys are terrific-looking. To them I say, Thank you for caring. Thank you for putting yourself together in an intentional way. And to you, dear readers,
I’m not saying that you should try to dress as they do but suggesting that you consider how their confident sense of style makes them a more enticing presence. Simply put, they look interesting and therefore interested. Too many clergymen and women convey a visual image that says “I’m not interested in me, so why should you be?”

“But PeaceBang,” you say, “We don’t want people to be interested in US, we want them to be interested in the God we want to share with them!”

Well sweet potatoes, good luck with that. Until God personally shows up in some brilliant emanation of glory to be personally introduced, you’re His representative. So unless you worship and serve a dreary, rumpled God, don’t look like you do.

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Dude, Where’s My Necktie?

Gentlemen, read this marvelous column by the Rogue Columnist and EMBRACE it with your very being.

Kiss of Peace,
PB

Thanks to Satchel Pootch for the link!

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Testify!! Testify!

My dear ones,

This e-mail just came to me from one of those very large states west of the Mississippi. The author is a seminarian and a convert to the aims of this blog. Read on:

I am a seminarian at ___________in _____________. I’ve been reading BTFM for a while now and while I usually agreed at an academic level I often found myself thinking (in the back of my mind) “come on, if we’re really that shallow…” Well maybe I’m that shallow but I wanted to share a worship experience with you.

We often have guest preachers and presiders in our chapel services. We have a joint Episcopal and Lutheran program and today a local Lutheran pastor presided. She had a lovely voice, and a gracious manner, but I was distracted. You see she looked like all of us tired, stressed, just rolled out of bed seminarians.

Her hair cut was unflattering (and rather too collegesque as it lent her no authority), and she had no make up on despite big dark circles under her eyes and a washed out completion. Which made her look tired and distracted. I realized she was wearing the exact same (comfy but very casual) Dansko clogs that I had on!

I wear those clogs to the barn, or the laundry room, or to classes with my holey jeans and seminary t-shirt. But I would never wear them with a robe!

The whole time I felt rather like a student was “playing” at Eucharist. It was distracting and really detracted from the solemnity and joy of the occasion. If that is shallow, well then I’m shallow.

You are right PeaceBang, and I’m a convert. Keep up the good work, and keep working on us up and coming priests/pastors/ministers.

Dear J,
This is the kind of testimony we need to hear. No one wants to be that exhausted, Dansko-clad pastor with the blah hair (I love your description of her hair as having “lent her no authority” — what a good way to put it), but we may be if we ignore our exterior. And when we do, it can be downright distracting and clash with the transcendent beauty and holiness of the ritual over which we preside. That’s what I’m SAYIN!

Kiss of peace, PB

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Parched

Ever since I turned the heat on I’ve been one thirsty puppy. I notice that my actual puppy is thirsty, too, lapping up much more water from his bowl than previously. I don’t how to train him to not drink any water all winter (“No water, Maxfield, it’s far too cold to take you outside to pee!”) but if you have any ideas, send them my way.
I kid, I kid!! I can’t wait to take him out in the freezing, icy cold. I can’t wait to take him out in three feet of snow and watch him figure out how to do his business. These are the joys of dog adoption that I most joyfully anticipate! Because seriously, the benefits of having another adorable creature around the house are more than worth it. And he sleeps under the covers with me with his head on the same pillow.

Anyway, if you’ve noticed that you become particularly dehydrated after visiting with parishioners, it’s not just your imagination. And so let me share with you PeaceBang’s Favorite Trick For Imbibing More Replenishing Waters.

1. Fill the container of your choice with the cold or room-temp water of your choice (I use Brita filtered tap water).
2. Plop an herbal tea bag in your favorite flavor into the container (I like Trader Joe’s black raspberry and red raspberry, and Celestial Seasonings makes peach and strawberry teas that I also love).
3. Squirt in a half dropperful of clear liquid Stevia (a natural plant-based sweetener). One bottle lasts me for a couple of months, and I use it every day.
4. Shake container a few times, wait a minute or so for the water to become fruity tasting, and chug away.

Do be sure to drink enough water, dumplings. It will benefit your health, your skin, your voice, your immune system, your mood and your digestive system.

A votre sante!

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