Beauty Tips for Ministers

Nice Manscaping!

This is a photo of my old college buddy Peter Goldman. When you’re finished cooing over his newly adopted puddy-tat (he and his partner adopted TWO!), note the lovely manscaping of his facial hair.

Gentlemen, that’s how it’s done! Carefully shaped and groomed is what it’s all about.

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Speaking of “Changing It Up”: New Mamas

One of the things I was thinking about when I wrote the previous post was how much women need to “change it up” when they have kids, and I forgot to talk about it! What made me think of it is that I just got the news that a cherished young colleague of mine is in the family way, which means that she’s going to be doing ministry and dealing with all the messiness of a newborn, and then a toddler, in her life.

As a non-mom, let me ask this: at what age do kids stop smearing your skirts, pants, jackets and general person with bodily fluids, whatever they’re eating, and general dirt?

So not only does this Rev. have to think about maternity wear, she needs to think about her new mother wardrobe, which I’m sure she will want to be:

1. Simple — not too many choices to take up valuable time.
2. WASHABLE.
3. Easy to move in — she’ll be doing lots more bending and picking up, holding and carrying her tot. She needs fabrics that can move with her and not rip or gap, or sneak down or up her body accidentally resulting in a Festival of Inappropriate Sharing.
4. Have pockets when possible, to keep the Scooby Snacks in (they’re GOOD! Have you tried them?)

Jersey dresses, cardigans, pull-on skirts that won’t trip her up but don’t drown her, cute flats, dark tops that don’t show spit-up, an easy but still-pretty hair-do, a nice shawl to throw on when the spit-up stain didn’t wash out (or to use for privacy during breastfeeding) — what else might Rev. Mama want to think about?

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When Your Style’s Gotta Change, Go With It

Since I adopted the hound, I’m walking back and forth to church much more frequently. And when I do, I’m carrying not only a bag full of files, papers and books but I’ve got a wiggly beagle on a leash in the other hand. It takes coordination, people. And it takes a comfortable pair of shoes!

Oh sure, I still love my heels and pointy, dressy boots and such. And when these babies went on 40% off sale at Macy’s awhile back and I had a $20 coupon to boot (pun intended), you know I bought them! Shoebooties! Love them! I’ve looked for two years for a pair that had a sturdy but nice heel, were comfortable, and affordable. Franco Sarto always comes through for me that way. Shoe-booties as a trend started a few years ago but they seem to be sticking around. These look great with a suit: I haven’t worn them with a skirt (and opaque stockings) yet, and not sure how that will look. I won’t try it when I’m in a rush, that’s for sure.

But given that I didn’t really have a comfortable pair of boots that could make it to church through snow and rain without getting ruined (I love my round-toed cowboy boots like mad, but they’re stiff leather and I don’t want to soak them), I broke down and bought a pair of fake UGGS at Famous Footwear tonight. They’re made by Bear Paws:

They make my feet look like little pods, and I will only wear them with slacks, of course (not even long skirts – non, non!) but they’re lined with faux shearling and they’re real leather and I’ll wear them with warm,textured outfits featuring knits and scarves and hats and things that make me feel like my teeth won’t chatter out of my head. Which is what they’ve been doing lately. I certainly won’t tuck jeans INTO these little Bear Paws, because a) I’m not 16 years old and b) I’m 5′3″ and shaped like a meatball. I don’t recommend that any of us wear our jeans tucked into boots, actually — it’s a very sophisticated look for a tall, leggy model or a professional skier, but too sexy for ministers, or potentially just disastrously sloppy. Sorry. And no leggings, either! Ever! No matter how hard Lindsay Lohan tries to make you buy from her new line.

Because Famous Footwear was having a buy one, get one half-off sale, I also got these little shoes by Skecher, which I’ll wear with dressy jeans and blazers, or tops with a little “edge” to them and cardigans and skinny scarves, but never, ever with just a plain pair of jeans and top. If I did that, I’d be projecting just “sloppy” rather than “fun.”

I mean, these will be so cute with a pair of long, slightly flared brown trousers, a belted grey jacket and a bold striped blouse in browns and purples, I can’t even tell you. I tried them on tonight with what I was wearing in the mall: long, dark denim jeans, a fitted raspberry-red empire waist sweater and a paisley cardigan (layers are key for me during the cold weather) and they were the wrong color but super, super cute. I would not have believed it had I not tried them on. Best of all, I can fling the dog all over town in these and not worry about twisting an ankle.

My point being that sometimes you need to change it up because your life changes. I refuse to go to work in sneakers. And I refuse to leave the dog alone for hours at a time when he could just as well be with me at church. So Doggie Mommy gets flats and Max gets a walk. Good for both of us!

(I wouldn’t wear either of these shoes to church on Sunday, of course, although I might walk over in the Bear Paws and change into pumps there.)

Speaking of the dog, he thinks I’m a bear because I’ve taken to wearing this hat in the house rather than turn up the heat:

Max is so enamored of this hat. If he ever gets it alone it’s all over.

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Holy Shirtless Mormon Missionaries, Batman!

Thanks to my DRE for this link.

So, PeaceBang Pigeons, what do you think? Does this draw your ire, your curiousity, or your panting approval?

And what do you think the point of putting these images out there really is? Is this blatant exploitation, 21st century sexy and effective evangelism, or some kind of religious witness that I clearly don’t understand?

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High-Strung Pastors, Let’s Get Unstrung

The CD alarm goes off and soft, New Age healing music begins to play. I wake up, feeling calm and rested for the first time in a week or so. My stomach isn’t in knots, my breathing is slow and deep. The cat is tucked under my right arm, the dog is pressed against my left side. Ermengarde is purring, Max sighs when I gently squinch his ear. It can hear that it is raining out.

I remember an episode of “The Vicar of Dibley” where Dawn French just doesn’t go to church because she’s too depressed after a romantic disappointment. I think, “I wonder what would happen if I just didn’t go to church?” Of course it’s beyond consideration, but oh, I am so so warm and calm.

Maybe I can stay warm and calm all day anyway. Wouldn’t that be a neat trick? Instead of getting all excited and “het up” by the energy of a church day, I could just draw the vitality of the community in like a bee sucks nectar, slow and nourishing, and gently so I don’t get a head-rush?

I will wear snuggly things today. A dress that slips easily over the head. A warm, nubby cardigan. A pair of boots. Warm tights.
No coffee.
No hyper, last-minute flurries of correcting sermon, attending to details that can wait ’til later, no skipping breakfast. Oatmeal.

Classically high-strung pastors, let’s get unstrung today, hey?

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Check In

Pigeons,

PeaceBang just does not have it tonight. She wrote most of her sermon and prepared most of the service on Thursday and frankly, the energy of her congregation and the Holy Spirit are going to have to do the rest, because I just do. not. have. it.

I gave a little preaching workshop this morning to a group of lay people and I said that while many a wonderful sermon has been murdered in its cradle by zombie-like delivery, it is also true that energetic, fully-embodied delivery can make a mediocre offering live, as I well know from my own experience.

So if you’re dropping by, please drop a comment. Many of you write to me off-line, but it would be nice to have you “tawk amongst ya-selves” too.

How’s everyone doing? How’s your self-care?
How’s your spirit?
How is it with your people?
Whatchya wearing tomorrow? Whatchya got going on?
I have so much ironing to do I’m sure I’ll be in a sweater and skirt. Sweaters don’t gotta be ironed, yo.

My nerves and digestion are a mess lately from a combination of the election and the flurry of sabbatical planning I’ve been doing in addition to the usual full and rich calendar of ministerial activities I always have in the fall. Seriously, if I had known how much time and energy it takes to plan and organize a sabbatical, I’d have called my old college roommate, Mary, and put her on an hourly payroll (not that she would accept it). Mary is the most wicked organized girl you’ll ever know, and she’d have done all the research and correspondence and ticket-purchasing and all the paperwork lickety-split.

Not that I’m complaining. I’m a lucky lady, but I just don’t have it tonight. Can you get some of it for me?

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