Beauty Tips for Ministers

Shhhh…. She’s Wighting!

Dearest pigeons of my heart,

If your noodgy stage mother PeaceBang does not get down to some disciplined writing this summer she will be very disappointed in herself. She has two big projects to work on: first, she needs to make some progress on her doctoral dissertation on the relevance of covenant in the 21st century church.

Second on PeaceBang’s big Writing Projects List is to get this blog into some kind of book form and to send something decent to publishers before September 1st or thereabouts.

These are big goals that will require me to focus, focus, focus, which means that I will not be contributing many — or perhaps any — more posts to this blog for awhile. There’s a treasure trove of information in the archives for you to peruse in the meanwhile, and I hope that you will.

Your prayers for my productivity are most welcome.

Kiss of peace, PB

[seen here outlining sermon topics for the coming year while on vacation in Provincetown, MA during the summer of 2006. Yes, that’s an Officially Unapproved Amount of Cleavage, but I was on vacation; in fact, in my jammies. — photo by Michael Hammond]

PeaceBang on Short Hiatus

Hi loveys,

Too much going on right now to blog about fashion tips. Stay cool until I come back.

Meanwhile, keep in touch at www.peacebang.com.

Kiss of peace, PB

Gorgeous Braids

Speaking of braids, ’cause we just were, isn’t THIS a gorgeous hairdo? I love it. The braids are done down low, which looks classically medieval to me somehow. I love the photo. I love the hoop earrings. I love the gown. This is elegance, people. I have a feeling you won’t see flip-flops on Elizabeth, here:

NO HAWAIIAN SHIRTS!! EVER!!

Pigeons, I am choking on my iced tea out here!! Deb’s comment below, contributed as a response to my earlier post about not wearing bare shoulders, has me totally disturbed!! Please tell me it’s not true that pastors are preaching in Hawaiian shirts. Flocking to conferences looking like employees of Trader Joe’s or as though they’re on their way to happy hour, fine. But PREACHING IN THEM!??

I’m fully with you here on the no spaghetti straps, and fully on board for no bare shoulders for anything official, though I’m not sure for church softball games or that sort of thing.

But the no hawaiian shirt thing doesn’t jive. I live and work in California and my conference includes Hawaii and hawaiian shirts are it–Annual conference, I think that might be all the men wear, and for many of us who are in the desert where you will literally pass out from heat stroke if you wear a robe in 100-120 degree heat, Hawaiian shirts are seen in all kinds of pulpits–it’s sort of the norm out here–casual and liveable for those inferno months…I’d love for you to reconsider your advice on this. (Even as a woman, I know Hawaiian shirts are fairly safe in the summer and much easier than figuring out which short sleeve blouses do and don’t show too much arm or cleavage….

And here is my response to Deb, gentle as always

Deb, I’m horrified!! It’s bad enough for male pastors to wear Hawaiian shirts, which communicate a casual I’m-totally-on-vacation-get-me-a-beer vibe, but to suggest that women wear them too for comfort’s sake is ludicrous to mine ears! Girl, that’s why God made cotton blouses in solid colors! It’s 96 degrees here today, for instance, and I am wearing a white cotton skirt, sandals, and a plain black short-sleeved T-shirt with an elegant boat neck. I am just as comfortable as if I was wearing a (shudder) Hawaiian shirt and I look professionally acceptable for tonight’s Annual Meeting.

I stand firmly by my conviction that no one on the planet will really take another person seriously if they’re clad in a Don Ho shirt — except in Hawaii. The whole look was invented to communicate “Don’t Worry- Be Happy! And Let’s Get To That Limbo Contest While I’m Still Really Wasted!” That is NOT the gospel I want to non-verbally communicate with my attire. If my pastor showed up wearing a Hawaiian shirt I’d assume one thing and one thing only: he’s been interrupted from a vacation. See my lips? They’re SO pursed right now!!! - PB

Hotter Than Hades

Good Lord, it’s going to be 95 degrees tomorrow. We have no a/c in our 1830 meetinghouse, of course. And an annual meeting tomorrow night in the UNair-conditioned parish hall. Now that ought to be a kick. I’d better get to BJ’s Wholesale and purchase a huge vat of bottled water. Wait, no. That’s environmentally incorrect. Maybe huge pitchers of iced water with big paper cups?

I wonder if anyone will come to church, first of all.

Second of all, I’d better heed my own advice.

This doesn’t give me an excuse to go to church with wet hair, but I’m sorely tempted, as it will be soaking wet by the end of the service anyway. Does anyone have any favorite “wet-look” hair products? Maybe I’ll slick it back in a ponytail and let it dry with some serious gel. I just don’t want to wind up dripping gooey product down my neck and back. Tips, anyone? Anyone?

Bueller?

Staying Away From Braids and Manic Panic

Well, the economy is officially in the tanker, it takes $43 to fill up my car, the dog had $400 in vet bills last month and my new man is eating me out of house and home. All of which is to say that I no longer purchase beauty magazines but I do try to spend quality time with them at the supermarket check-out so that I can give you, my darling readers, the LATEST. Well, the LATEST is that Glamour or Allure fashion editors apparently think that little 1980’s style braids are back in fashion.

Here’s former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell wearing one (and a blindingly ugly frock, too, but who’s looking at the frock!!? Miss Halliwell is NOT the modest type, pigeons!)

I’m not sure about this braid business. For one thing, it’s just too hippie-dippie, and unless you’re officiating at some Age of Aquarius ritual, I wouldn’t go there. Look how silly it looks on Gerri, with her bombshell dress and silly Marilyn Monroe white fox throw. She’d have done much better with a flowy Missoni boho dress; the gypsy hair would have gone quite well with that. There’s also the uncomfortable possibility that, if you don’t make that braid thin enough, someone might start calling you Heidi and ask you to milk the goats. Or start humming the Swiss Miss theme, if there is one.

I would avoid this look. If you’ve been wearing a braid this way, try a gentle twist fastened on the bottom with a tiny elastic. Far more adult and still adds some interesting texture.

And while we’re on the subject of misbegotten hair trends: please, Goddess, PLEASE… NO PINK, PURPLE, ORANGE OR BLUE swatches of hair. That is SO over. It was so over in 1997, they heyday of Manic Panic. Furthermore, you’re the minister now. You don’t need attention that badly.