Beauty Tips for Ministers

Vests (And PeaceBang Uses Herself As a Bad Example)

Here I am with colleague Daniel Budd. We actually hadn’t decided to both wear vests that day, but I have to say that it was fun playing Bobsey Twin with him:

So, let’s DISCUSS, shall we?

To me, Daniel does a great job projecting an image of poetic and groovy minister; hip but with a sense of style and humor. His proportions are right. He is very tall and his long hair softens him and gives him a kind of Bible patriarch-meets-troubador vibe. He’s in great shape and therefore all his pieces look very neat on him; unfortunately not always the case with the rest of us (the camera seems to be adding weight on him here — which makes me feel better because I didn’t think I was that much of a meatball myself). His leather vest works for me because it’s classic, it’s cut very nicely, and best of all, it’s NOT EMBROIDERED.
Darlings, I’m sorry, but I just HATE those embroidered vests adorning the bodies of white, Boomer clergy. You know what I’m talking about. You can get mad, you can argue that your vests connect you with memories of your mission trip to Honduras, you can tell me that you wear yours with a totally with-it pair of pants and shirt but I don’t think I can be persuaded on this one.
LOSE. THE. EMBROIDERED. VESTS.

Now, me. I am breaking some of my own rules here:
1. Rolled sleeves are SLOPPY. Get them tailored or tuck them under a blazer. This just looks messy. See how distracting that little cuff can be? If I was a presenter or in a professional setting (rather than on sabbatical and just not putting the effort in), this would be absolutely unacceptable.
2. If you’ll be walking to church in the wind, bring a brush for touch-ups when you get there.
3. Because my new 3″ heel sandals were killing me (those lovely Borns — absolutely comfortable in the toe and footbed but with some kind of torture device in the heel, apparently), I had switched this day to flats. Therefore, the line of my long, flared, dark denim jeans was ruined. I had only brought two pairs of pants with me and both very long, so lesson learned: if you’re trying out a new pair of heels for the first time, bring some pants alternatives so you don’t walk around with a draggy hem.
4. You can see from the expression on my face that the pews in the church are already beginning to kill my back.
5. Since my back is really bad today and I am safely home, I am going to tuck up in bed with my beagle and my cat and a big glass of water and rest.

Because You Never Know When You Might Be Asked To Exchange The Kiss of Peace

What’s that I see in the hand of the worshiping preacher in front of me at the Festival of Homiletics?

Why, it’s none other than BURT’S BEES LIP BALM!! One of our favorite, minty lip softening products!!

Remember, though, that Burt’s Bees does not provide SPF. We discussed this here. Read the comments, too, because we have since recommended more products that will protect your kisser from the harsh rays of El Sol.

Beauty Out Of Illinois

One of the great and serious disappointments of the Festival of Homiletics was that there was NO PASSING OF THE PEACE during the worship services!! There you have almost 2,000 Protestant clergy from all over the continent gathered for worship, learning and fellowship and we were never invited to turn to one another and exchange the peace of Christ during any of the services I attended. Not only was that a bummer, it was a missed opportunity. Why, I remember meeting the lovely Rev. Rody Rowe last year while passing the peace in Nashville and he quite promptly invited me to visit him in Seattle, which I did. Rody, if you and Alice were in Minneapolis I’m sorry I missed you, I think of you fondly, and I hope all is well.

So anyway, I did some impromptu passing of the peace in Minneapolis but mostly I scanned name tags while in the corridors during breaks so I could see where people had come from — because that sort of thing really interests me.

When I saw this lovely lady from a location near where I once lived, I paused to say hello and exchange a smile:

“[Undisclosed Location], Illinois!” said I, because I remembered it fondly.
“Yes, and I know who you are,” she said, and I was SO HAPPY because the moment I set eyes on her I had secretly thought, “Oh, I hope this is one of my powder pigeons — she looks just SO WONDERFUL and so confident!”

It turns out she is, and she’s even a commenter on here, and let me point out a wee list of things that are exactly right about this outfit:

1. It’s fashionable without being trendy (notice the cut of the jacket, for instance), which makes her look both classic and vibrant. She’s chosen proportions and cuts just right for her body type.
2. She’s not matchy-matchy — she has taken some neat pieces and put them together (red shoes! fun bag!) with her own sense of flair; furthermore, it looks like she’s having fun doing it.
3. She’s got a great haircut and she’s taken care with her make-up.
4. She has an open, genuinely happy smile and radiates warmth.

So a halo of praise to our lovely colleague from Illinois. It was great to meet you briefly and to exchange a big PeaceBang kiss of peace.
Here’s me looking like a big close-eyed dork with you…

Random Unitarian Universalists At the Festival of Homiletics

Here I am outside the Central Lutheran Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota auditioning a group of men for my new night club act, “Ministry:The Musical!”

It’s an all singing, all dancing revue and you wouldn’t believe it, but all of these guys can tap dance like nobody’s business.

Seriously, though, these are some of my favorite dudes on the planet so I’m not going to subject them to any image analysis or fashion advice. I’ll do that in the next few posts…

P.S. The schmatta in my hair is about a couple of things:
1. The wind was whipping all my cute barrettes and headbands around, so I needed something more industrial strength.
2. I was meeting a hip motorcyclin’ buddy for lunch and wasn’t sure if I’d wind up ON the motorcycle at any point, in which case I definitely wanted my hair off my face.

PeaceBang Festivaling In Minneapolis

Hello my darlings!

What a mini-sabbatical whirlwind it has been! I concluded my intensive course on the spiritual practice of discernment last night (I have two papers to write for the class, though, so can’t officially rejoice that I’ve finished all the coursework for my Doctor of Ministry degree…although I am definitely done with the being-at-school-in-class part, which both saddens and relieves me) and after one day to catch up, will be packing tomorrow for a week in Minneapolis.

I hope to see many of you at the Festival of Homiletics. You know what I look like — don’t be a stranger!! If you want to hook up for a consultation, e-mail me at victoria-dot-weinstein-at-gmail-dot-com and we can trade cell phone numbers.

Kiss of peace, PB

“Sex And The City” Movie = Women Dressing Crazy!

I am not going to get all high-and-mighty here and pretend that I don’t absolutely LOVE “Sex and the City” and that it didn’t get me through several break-ups (along with enormous bowls of buttered popcorn liberally doused with chili powder), but I will freely admit that I was deeply offended by the first few episodes I saw and prepared to DENOUNCE IT FROM THE PULPIT. A funny thing happened on my way to researching that sermon further, though: I found myself crying over an episode and that was it — I was totally IN with Carrie and her posse. I never trusted Big. I wanted Carrie to stick with Aidan because he was so good for her and to her. In the end I wanted her to stay single, because she seemed at her best as a single gal. I rooted for Charlotte’s marriage to work and wasn’t surprised that Miranda cancelled her abortion appointment. I laughed myself silly over Samantha’s exploits (and deeply admired Kim Cattrall’s under-appreciated gift for physical comedy employed while maintaining a convincing femme fatale vibe– no small feat for an actress). I never went so far as to start drinking Cosmos and I LOATHED the final episode, but I’ll be on line with the rest of “SATC” America when the film comes out later this month. I know that even if the screenplay is a dog, the clothes will be outrageously fabulously. Or maybe just outrageous.

I see from this photo taken at the London premiere that SJP has already started with the seriously crazy:

As the granddaughter of a milliner I have to salute that hat. I really do. Sarah Jessica Parker is a fashion crazy woman and I love her for it. I love that when Maxim magazine churlishly named her the Unsexiest Woman Alive that she laughed it off and said that she wasn’t trying to be sexy. She’s crazy fun.

Kim Cattrall, on the other hand, doesn’t go far enough. If you’re going to wear the old Red Queen costume from my freshman year production of “Alice in Wonderland,” by all means carry a sceptre and wear a CROWN! If anyone can carry that off, Kim, YOU can!

Cynthia Nixon is a seasoned Broadway actress; she knows how to handle these things. But look at Kristen Davis’ strained smile. Poor thing. She’s just willing Kim Cattrall not to slap SJP silly for that chapeau, but I’m not sure it’s going to work. Cat fight! Cat fight!

[Thanks to GoFugYourself.com for the photo]