Beauty Tips for Ministers

SPF Products: Lips And Face

As a self-described lip gloss addict, I love, love, love my “lippy.” I own two or three MAC lip lacquers (the very best!), a small stash of Smashbox glosses (in the same color, now defunct, that I had to research and track down to buy so the tragedy of having that color unavailable would lose its sting over time), and a little army of Rimmel Vinyl Glosses, three of which live in my car. I probably eat pounds and pounds of lip gloss every year, an unappealing prospect but probably better for me than that Reese’s Pieces sundae SweetieBang and I both had last night while watching “The Orphanage” (a very creepy, good flick but watch closely or you’ll miss what actually happened to the little boy and think it was the ghosts who did it, as I did at first).

ANYHOO, as the sun waxes stronger in these here parts, a girl starts to think about SPF products for the lips (and fellas should, too, since your lips are tender little darlings and shouldn’t be left out there all alone to bake unprotected). Turns out that most SPF products are just dull, though; waxy Chapsticky things that don’t slide easily over lipstick or Covergirl Outlast All Day Lipcolor (PeaceBang’s daily product), which is what *I* certainly want them to do. I would think that even men seek a lip product with ease of application and a decent taste (not overly minty or medicinal or herbal or fruity).

(Incidentally, there’s a lip balm called, no kidding, Chicken Poop out there. I wanted to recommend it but it has no sun protection factor. Darn.)

I did find a tropical-flavored lip balm during my January trip to Florida that has good SPF coverage, but it makes my lips taste like a shirt Don Johnson would have worn in “Miami Vice,” so it’s a choice of last resort. I want something sophisticated with little or no flavoring, thank you very much. A cruise around my local CVS yielded nothing interesting (and did you know that Burt’s Bees lip products don’t even have SPF in them??? I just assumed that they did!). A girl can’t smear Carmex all over her mouth, for heaven’s sake: have you tasted that stuff?

So I did a little googling around online and discovered that the good people at Revlon have a Super Lustrous Lip Gloss that looks to have not only nice, glossy color coverage but SPF 15. Has anyone tried this stuff? It’s expensive, so I’d rather not purchase it without having some advance word on it. It may be that getting SPF coverage into a gloss form is a costly process, which is why so few companies are doing it.

If you’re looking for a subtle hint of color, or a clear lip balm with SPF coverage, Kiehl’s makes a very fine product that lasts and lasts, and that comes in a tube, which I love. This would be a great gift for the guy in your life. I mean, isn’t that packaging positively MANLY? Kiehl’s has its own web site and is also available at upscale department stores. This lip balm costs about $9 but again, it last for a long time even if you use it every day.

Oh, and this advance word to you, my doves: do not ever rely on make-up to provide full sun coverage for your face. If you really want to protect yourself from all the ravages of the sun (and you should), it is wisest to apply your sunblock of choice before any make-up. After much searching and many flare-ups of red blotching on my face (curses on you, Neutrogena tinted sun block! Because I love your other products so much!), I am sticking this year with Alba Botanica Facial Sunscreen for Sensitive Skin.

I was using a Juice Beauty Organics product but it smells kind of yucky and I had a devil of a time getting the product out through the pump dispenser. I like that it’s entirely non-chemical and mineral based, but they’d do better to put it in a tube so a girl or guy can actually get the stuff out of the ever-lovin’ container.

When applying sunscreen, don’t forget to get your chest, your neck, the back of your neck, the edges of your face at the hairline (wherever that hairline may be), and your ears. Let’s not be worrying our dermatologists and requiring snippings of suspicious moles and bumps this year. Be safe out there and for heaven’s sake wear a hat when we’ll be in the sun for any prolonged period of time. And just this once, I’ll give you a pass: it doesn’t even have to be particularly fashionable or attractive, it just needs to keep your skin and scalp protected. Extra bonus for those who color our hair: wearing hats is a big deterrent to fading. So go get you one! They’re always on sale at TJ Maxx or Marshall’s and places like that.

Shoe Issues: Good For the Sole

Good day, darlings.
Diane weighed in on a long-ago post about seminarians with this goody, and I didn’t want you to miss it because she’s chock full of stern and sage advice:

This seems like a good place to mention a pet peeve of mine. Here at seminary there are a number of women with “shoe issues.” Some are young, some are older. They are talked about behind their backs, especially when they are walking around the chapel. What are their issues? Well, there are three main ones -

1) Trendy shoes that draw attention away from the service and onto the wearer. In our tradition (Episcopal) one does not walk around in black cassock or white alb with anything other than black or maybe dark brown or dark gray shoes. I know acolytes get away with it all the time, but we are not acolytes. We are preparing to be priests. Even if that means buying one pair of “church shoes” that are conservative black flats, we should do it, and change back into the cute, outfit matching shoes in the sacristy after the service.

2) Loud, clomping shoes. Again, distracting. We have one student who went out to officiate at a service recently and you could hear the clomp, clomp, clomp over the music as she walked. Hello. Again, it’s about the service, not about us. It also makes women seem less professional.

3) Wearing heels you cannot walk well or safely in. Wear heels that work for you, or professional but less high heeled shoes. We all look silly tripping off our heels. Again, it’s distracting and unprofessional. You don’t see the male priests falling off their shoes. Let’s not do it either.

Let me add, Diane, that my only disagreement with your advice is not to talk about our sister seminarians behind their backs. Talk about them TO THEIR FACES. Pull them over, say, “Honey, you sounded like Mr. Ed clomping around out there, you NEED to get a pair of quieter shoes. Let’s go shopping after Homiletics class on Thursday!” Or, “Sister, my sister, I love those heels you’ve got on but I was watching you just now and you’re just destined to break your ankle one of these days. Those aren’t suitable for this work, girl, and someone needed to tell you. I love you enough to be the one.”

If you say it with love and care, she might still get mad but at least you’ve made the transition from petty gossip to supportive future colleague. And that’s good for the soul.

Khakis: Fashion Enigma

PeaceBang recently received this heartfelt plea for love, help and understanding,

I bought a pair of khakis. But I cannot figure out how to wear them without looking . . . frumpy. They sit right below the waist. And are wider at the hem.
T-shirts look sloppy with the hem hanging out and dorky tucked in.
Shirts with collars seem a trifle masculine.
Preppy polo shirts are out. I’m fifty. I’m beyond being “prepped” for anything. Am I too old for khakis????
This doesn’t seem like a very tough fashion question, but . . . I’m stumped.

Let PeaceBang just take a moment to feel a deep sense of gratitude for your astute observation, C., that khakis with t-shirts DO LOOK SLOPPY and/or dorky. Thank you for asking the pertinent questions: 1. should I be wearing these at all? 2. Is there a way to make them seem polished and appropriate for a woman in a leadership position? 3. Why does any woman think that preppy polo shirts are suitable for professional wear?

Let’s talk about khakis (also known as chinos), which come in a wide variety of styles and generically look something like this:

(Available at Christopher & Banks)
A classic pant, perfectly acceptable, but not with a T-shirt hanging out or tucked in. With a fitted blouse and jacket, perhaps, or a sweater set and beautiful boots, a handsome bag, and an interesting wristwatch. DETAILS, darlings, DETAILS. Presenting an image of competence is all about details: ironed, clean clothing that fits well and isn’t unraveling anywhere, accessories and touches that say, “I have taken some time to prepare to be here with you.” Necklines that don’t gap or sag, shirts that have some shape to them and aren’t just flopped on top of your pants.

C’s khakis sound like a nice cut, but she will have to put some effort into making them work-appropriate for an accomplished 50 year-old woman or else risking like a messy teen. So, C., I recommend layers. Looking to my own closet and pretending that I have your figure and not my own, I’d wear a crisp white sleeveless blouse tucked in with my coolest brown belt that has burnished gold details threaded through the loops on the khakis. I’d top everything with my blue blazer with the nicely defined waist and add a burnished gold necklace from Africa (three bronze leaves on a twisted bronze chain) that would show up right where the blouse opens at the neck. I’d pull up my hair in a messy knot, wear small brushed gold hoops, bright peachy lip gloss and carry my buttery-mustardy yellow handbag. I’d wear brown wedge heeled sandals.

The trick with khakis, which can be kind of shapeless, is to define your waist and add some shape on top. As you have already figured out, your typical Oxford-type shirt will render you even more shapeless and as you say, “masculine.” Try a more romantic cotton blouse (I have one with tiny tucks at the square neck and a drawstring waist that I like to wear with a vest — sexy and very feminine) and add a string or two of long beads, paint your toenails with OPI “Dutch Tulip” and wear a great pair of sandals.

Here’s the way NOT to wear pants, from the folks at Dockers:

Isn’t this a disaster? If anyone should know how to put a woman in a classic pair of pants, it should be Dockers, whose clothes are classic and affordable.

Pumpkins, get a gander at the strained fit at the thighs and the horrid lack of scale between the model’s body, the cut and length of the pants (they’re TOO SHORT and they’re unbelievably unflattering — who wears pegged hems anymore, saints preserve us!!?), and the ugly little shoes they’ve put her in. The heel is far too delicate to support such substantial legs, and the style is far too corporate/dressy to match up with the casual cotton pant. Aiiiee! Don’t let this be you!

Here are some pretty classic chinos from Land’s End.
Not so much my cup of tea, but neat and serviceable for pastors. I just found a pair of brown twill wide-legged pants on the clearance rack that are at the tailor being hemmed this week, and I bet I’ll wear them all summer. That’s about as close to khakis as I get. They lengthen my short legs, balance my meatball shape, look great with a 3″ wedge sandal and a V-necked T-shirt. I’ll throw on a belt over the T-shirt for waist definition, add big turquoise hoops, and that will be my go-to outfit for the very casual-around-here months of June, July and August.

How To Wear (Or Not) “The Latest Fashion”

Darling readers with concerns about how to wear the “new” chic jacket shape, a word for you: if it doesn’t work for your shape, don’t.

This goes for all of us, with all trends. And let’s not call them trends, because that sounds so frivolous and ephemeral. Let’s say, “style changes,” which helps us understand that when we pay attention to fashion, we are not falling prey to some kind of idiotic consumerism but respecting that just as there are changes and innovations in, say, Scripture interpretation, there are also innovations in how people look — especially people who strive for a public image that communicates an interest in what’s happening today, now. It is the way of the world. Those who claim in superior tones to be “above it all” are not actually above anything at all but are merely stubborn, in denial, and very likely lookin’ pretty frumpy out there.

Do flip through a mainstream fashion magazine at least once a season. You don’t have to buy it; just flip through it. Do take a moment to check out the displays in store windows and at flagship stores in the mall (Macy’s and Dillard’s and Banana Republic, not “Forever 21″ or “Hot Topic.”) Do be aware of why that Hawaiian print collarless, buttonless jacket in your closet that falls to mid-thigh is hopelessly 1980’s, and not in a good way, and be aware of the latest cuts and silhouettes. Then translate them to your own body. There is never just one classic or fashionable look available at a time, sweethearts, there are many. If boxy, short jackets makes you look like a big meatball, don’t get NEAR them. Find a short belted jacket with fun pockets in a great color. Add a belt to one of your favorite classic cardigans and pair it with a blouse that’s more au courant. There are thousands of options for you to choose from, and lots of creative ways to update what you already have. You just have to pay attention, be willing to weed out your closet at least annually to get rid of hopelessly outdated looks that will immediately identify you as stuck in 1993, and learn what works for your shape.

Remember: Just Because It Still Fits Doesn’t Mean You Should Wear It.
And if you truly have no wardrobe budget and foresee no possibility of having one in the near future, stick to classics (nice black trousers, crisp white blouse, classic pumps, blazer) and make sure they fit well and are kept impeccably clean and pressed. We should all be clean and pressed, of course, but if you have six items hanging in your closet and only six, you’ll feel better about them if they look really immaculate. There’s no need for a big wardrobe anyway. There is, however, a need to pay attention to wildly out-of-date garments you may still be donning on a regular basis and to part ways with them.

What To Wear To An Induction Into An Honor Society?

I ponder.

I am being inducted into the Jonathan Edwards Society at Andover-Newton Theological School this evening, a lovely honor for which I want to dress appropriately. My general rule is that it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed, so I’ll probably wear a skirt with a blazer and heels. I’m thinking that I’ll carry a small bag but not a clutch (too dressy), and I’ll wear Sunday morning jewelry.

I’m sure I’ll see slacks and sweaters and comfortable shoes on some of the women, which is fine but given that I don’t know the size of the gathering (20 people? 5?), I don’t know what the “stand-out” factor might be. If I’m more formally dressed than most of the women in a gathering of fifty, no prob. If I’m overdressed in a gathering of six or seven, I begin the evening a bit self-conscious.

I’m so rarely underdressed that I don’t remember what that feels like. The invitation said nothing about attire. I’m guessing that SweetieBang will wear a tweedy sports jacket, a black T-shirt, and dark-washed jeans — his idea of dressing up. It suits him, and he owns no ties, so what can you do?

Given that Jonathan Edwards is likely already rolling in his grave at the idea of a UNITARIAN being inducted into an honor society that bears his name, I think I’ll dress for him AND for myself. Which may mean black slacks, a black jacket (him) and a polka-dot blouse with a frilled front and peep toe T-strap wedges (for me).

[Update: The event was absolutely LOVELY and I feel truly honored. I wore a skirt and blazer and boots with a heel. People were dressed very nicely, and SweetieBang looked fine — somewhere between the guys in ties and jackets and the guy in the Hawaiian shirt. But it was truly a night of rejoicing in the good company of talented ministers and I sat next to Professor MARK HEIM AT DINNER! Theological Rock Star! — PB]

Yosie Platforms by Calvin Klein

And now, for our late-night edition of “Shoe Lust,”

MUST. HAVE. I can’t believe they have them in my size. They’re sold out at my local Macy’s and Lord & Taylor, and on Zappos.com! Tax refund check, get here soon!

Good night, darlings. My service is finally, finally done. I at my dupa down at the computer today, finally, overcame my spring fever for six straight hours, and the Holy Spirit graced me with a visit.