Beauty Tips for Ministers

In Your Easter Bonnet

PeaceBang’s grandmother was a milliner, and so she is genetically fond of hats. If you’re not a minister and plan to attend Easter services somewhere, won’t you consider wearing an Easter bonnet?

I mean, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all rocked the Easter church hats like the ladies of the African-American church?

Big hats at Easter should never, ever be worn with a sense of irony or mockery. Don’t do it unless you can do it in style and with flair and confidence.

Good Lord, Whatever Happened To A Nice, Ladylike Frock!??

*sputter, sputter*

Are these dresses meant explicitly for the sex workers of America, or am I missing something????

For those of you with young daughters, PeaceBang extends her condolences. It must be a HELLA challenge keeping your mouth shut while they go about dressed in these outlandishly revealing items.

Just about knocked my bonnet right off my head when I saw those. Sakes alive.

It’s Hard Out There For Our Guys, Too

Whilst we reverend gals have our challenges trying to choose wisely from among the piles of fashion atrocities out there, PeaceBang has noticed that things can’t be much easier for the menfolk.

On one hand, you don’t want to be Pastor Dullsville here with no personality and no shape:

But then, what if you were trying to be fashion-forward and wound up in this, God forbid?

Or this ridiculous get-up, which caused PeaceBang to start singing the theme song from “Hustle & Flow” the moment she saw it (”It’s HARD out here for a pimp…”):

Or this, which reminds PeaceBang that anything labeled “cargo” belongs in someone else’s professional wardrobe, NOT YOURS:

AND WHAT IN FRESH NAUTICAL HELL IS THIS???? They simply can’t be serious. They just can’t. I refuse to believe it.

And here’s the tragic truth: PeaceBang didn’t even have to LOOK HARD for these silly men’s clothes. She simply lifted them all from the Macy’s web site, which means that it is indeed scary out there for our boys. Fellas, there’s no need to be Pastor Dullsville with scuffed brown shoes. Put a little pizzazz in your look this spring, just don’t fall prey to these ridiculous trends. See how nice HE looks? Nothing trendy about it, but he’s not drabbing along in a worn out, too-big tweedy, boxy sports coat, nor is he squeezed into a too-tight shirt with a tie that’s too short to make it over his girth. He’s handsome, well-groomed and looks polished and terrific. That can be you, too.

Smooches, PeaceBang

Festival of Homiletics

I got so much out of the Festival of Homiletics last year that even though my professional expense account is drying up very fast (D.Min. tuition, don’tchya know), I am going to attend again this year. I will be on a sabbatical month in May, so why the heck wouldn’t I?

Will you be there?
Would you like to schedule a consultation’?

Contact me for more information if you’re interested.

Kiss of peace! PB

Belted Sweaters

Hot tip:

PeaceBang has been losing weight and is finding that a favorite look for spring is to pair a bright patterned blouse or t-shirt with a v-necked cardigan and to belt it for some added shape. Keep the belt the same color as the sweater (otherwise the horizontal line will just cut you in half) and pair it with a fitted skirt and heels, or with some nice jeans and boots.

As the season changes (which is an emotional/spiritually felt shift, not just a climactic one, for those who live in less “seasony’ locations), go shopping in your own closet. Mix and match. Change things up. Put autumnal colors in another closet. Bring out the bright touches of color, get a big fashion magazine like “In Style” and get some ideas. Shine your shoes. Get a pedicure. Shake it up. Lo, the Earth awakes again!

Dressing “Younger”

Precious ones,

I watched most of an “Oprah” episode yesterday where she had on two fashion experts whose goal was to help frumpy women in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and 60’s keep from dressing “old.”

They did have some great advice, such as
1. Just because it still fits doesn’t mean you should be wearing it.
2. Dressing old (as in old fashions) makes you look old, and (in the words of one of the experts) “clueless.”
3. As you get older, show off your shape through excellent and flattering fit, not by revealing skin. The older you are, the less skin you should be showing (not that this means covering up from neck to toe, it just means wearing opaque stockings with the shorter skirts, etc.). Getting older = becoming more elegant.
4. Highlighting your waist is always a good idea, says Stacy London of “What Not To Wear.” Get the line of the bazoom where it should be through the judicious use of effective undergarments and draw the eye to the natural curve of the waist. If you truly have no waist, draw the eye to the lovely swanlike neck, or to the face, or somewhere else, I suppose.

HOWEVAH, many of the make-over outfits were really awful, ugly and what I would call “try-hard;” that is, they looked nothing like what a normal woman would wear for a normal day of work, running after kids, etc. It was more like, “This is SO FIERCE! I am a Hollywood fashion person and I live in total unreality about what an actual middle class woman can wear and afford, and also in total unreality about what actually looks good! Listen to MEEEE!”

Some of the pieces were admittedly terrific, but it was FAR more the hair and make-up improvements that made these gals shine than the new clothes they were sporting from Nordstrom and Saks.

The moral of the story is that there are a lot of self-proclaimed experts out there who are in bed with the clothing manufacturers and designers and whose bread is being buttered by the fashion industry. It is therefore in their best interest to persuade you that a huge, wide, patent leather belt over a chunky sweater is JUST THE THING you should have right now, or that really, a BIG PONCHO will truly highlight your fabulous yoga figure if you wear it with “figure-skimming” white pants and a fitted t-shirt that probably cost $175.

PeaceBang, on the other hand, gets ZERO dollars from anyone for writing this blog, for advising her readers, and for testing products. Her bread is being buttered by her church and only her church, with occasional gifts of thanks coming in by PayPal from those grateful for her advice and caring. Which is why, if PeaceBang ever seriously advises your wearing a big ole poncho or cape over tight white pants, you can bet she has seriously considered its usefulness for your lifestyle, your image, and your pocketbook.

It had to be said, so I said it. Kiss, kiss.