Beauty Tips for Ministers

What In The Name of Zoltron Is She Wearing??

This is Wolf Blitzer from The Situation Room, everyone. Seriously, there has been a Presidential Candidate Piping Incident that you need to be made aware of, brought to my attention by alert reader Jinnis.

What I think is happening is a very unfortunate confluence of weird piping, bad lapels and a perfectly ordinary necklace on Senator Hillary Clinton. The combined effect definitely earns my confidence in her ability to be president… on the planet Zoltron.

Hill, call me! I can help!! I’m an Obama supporter but still, I’m here for you!

Blotting Papers For Shiny Boys N’ Girls!

In my last post I recommended the use of blotting papers for a reader who asked about make-up. I don’t know why I haven’t mentioned it before, but blotting papers are a very helpful beauty tool, even for those who don’t wear make-up!

Many of us preach under strong lights or in heavy vestments that make us sweat. On days we’re not preaching, we often leave the house in the a.m. hours, run around to a series of meetings or activities and then to a round of the same in the evening. We don’t have a lot of time to do elaborate touch-ups, and we can get very shiny and sweaty punims.*

Blotting paper is terrific. It essentially allows you to powder your nose without powdering your nose. Blotting papers are tissue-thin (be careful taking them out of the package; lightly wet your fingertip first or you may pull out a whole wad instead of just the one you need) and you simply press them against your forehead, sides of nose, and chin. You will be amazed at how much oil winds up on the paper, so please don’t do this in public — it’s not a genteel, lady-like act the way pulling out a compact and discreetly banging on your schnoz after lunch can be.

For gals, blotting papers have the virtue of not adding another layer of make-up to your face, which is a good thing if you’re at the beginning of your day and don’t want to get cakey. If your make-up has worn off entirely, by all means give your face a swipe with a powder compact and blush and use the blotting papers just to avoid unseemly shine.

These come in a lovely holder so you’re sure not to accidentally smoosh them in your purse.

These don’t come with a holder but they’re pretty and old-school, and PeaceBang has used them on and off them since her teen years with no complaints.

* Yiddish for face, but you must know that by now if you’re a regular reader of this blog!

Lipstick, Blush and Bronzer for Darker Skin

Sweet thangs,

A reader who isn’t clergy but who does have a job requiring public presence and lecturing wrote recently to ask PeaceBang’s recommendations for an emollient lipstick for African-American women that will last through a big talk-athon.

Since our dear reader mentioned favoring Clinique, Nars and Vincent Longo lines, she obviously knows her way around a Sephora and isn’t limiting herself to what she can find at the local drugstore.

So Lady Speaker, I’m wondering: what if you found a shade of, say, CoverGirl Outlast All Day lip color (or a similar product — one of those stay-on-forevah lip colors), and used that as a base, and polished yourself before and after your speaking engagements with a Nars lip gloss (PeaceBang loves Nars lip gloss: she finds that Nars and MAC lip lacquer are the most budge-proof, and have the most intense pigmentation)?

In fact, it just occurs to me that the lovely (and African-American) Beyonce Knowles is currently shilling for a Revlon stay-on lip color product that I’ve been meaning to try, and I think the color she’s wearing on the commercial is gorgeous. I’m just a believer in using the long-lasting lip formulas as a base at any rate — if you search the archives under “Lips” you’ll find previous posts and comments on the matter, with loads of recommendations therein for those.

As for blush and bronzer, I would get to a Nordstrom or a Sephora and shop around for lines that suit your skin tone first, and then choose formulations based on your skin type. Again, Nars makes gorgeous powder blushes (I use one called — pardon me but it’s true — “Orgasm” — that has a lovely peachy tone with a tiny bit of glow factor). It’s perfectly okay to warm up your skin tone with a fluffy, light dusting bronzer over much of your face (concentrate on the perimeter where the sun would hit) and then to accentuate the cheeks with a well-blended application of cream blush. I like to do this when layering powder on powder might make me look crusty and over-done, like when I’m dehydrated or tired and wrinkly.

If you have oily or combination skin, lightly apply (using puff or brush) a translucent powder to your forehead, chin and sides of nose (if the bridge of your nose gets oily, lightly powder that, too) before going out before the crowds. For touch-ups during the day, use blotting papers rather than build up layers of powder.

Of course, if your skin is dry, make sure you exfoliate and moisturize gently, regularly and well so that your bronzer and blush will go on evenly. I find that if I slap on my moisturizer in the morning and don’t give it time to sink in a bit before applying powder bronzer, everything is a blotchy mess.

As far as particular lines for African-American or other women of color, I know that my readers will have all kinds of brilliant recommendations which they will contribute in the comments section. Won’t you, dears? It seems to me that MAC is a good bet here - they seem to get that women come in a huge variety of skin tones and offer products accordinlgy. Clinique always strikes me as looking good in the package but whimpily pigmented when I get it home. I think the same of Chanel and Estee Lauder — neither of which seem willing to acknowledge that women of color even exist, so I don’t use their products.

There’s a drugstore line called Black Opal that looks like it has some really pretty lipstick shades and I notice they sell it on-line, too. A white friend of mine who is partial to very dramatic lip colors loves it.

Paula’s Choice

Does anyone have any experience with Paula’s Choice products? I just ordered one of their serums as an extremely affordable alternative to Skinceuticals and am interested to know if anyone else has used any of their line. Thanks, possums!

Big Enough Belts

Just a note to the larger among us, and especially the gentlemen of generous girth:

Do be sure that your belt fits. A belt should not be fastened through the last possible hole and sticking out like a little leather stub. It should be long enough to notch through the hole and have enough “tail” left over to make it through the first belt loop on your trousers. If that means that you have to go to the Big N’ Tall store for the first time in your life, be brave and do it. Clothes must fit us, sweethearts, even if it means swallowing our pride and heading to the “Women’s Sizes” or the “Hefty Dude Department.” When you’re out and about being a leader, no one will be looking at the XXL tag in your sweater, they’ll be seeing you. Don’t distract them by looking as though you had to shoehorn yourself into any garment of your clothing. This goes for shoes, too, believe it or not. Remember how Miss Piggy’s hooves always looked so adorably pumpfy bloating out of her purple satin pumps? That’s a very cute look on a muppet, but it really isn’t flattering on your or me. Make sure straps aren’t binding and squeezing, or that foot chub is emerging from the top of a loafer.

And… I’m slipping this in at the end of a post because I’m so red-faced about it I can’t even TELL YOU, but I bought SweetieBang a pair of CROCS today because he has a bad foot and he really needs a supportive shoe he can slip on and wear around the house. You know I hate the cursed things, but I’m no fool; I know they offer comfort and support. And S’Bang isn’t limping today, so it was worth it. Pass the humble pie!!

Contact Lenses & Fat Report

May I take a moment to pick your collective brains as to WHY my brand new disposable contact lenses are all cloudy and acting like a year -old pair I never bothered to clean correctly in college? Whither the protein build-up?
I just saw an opthomologist and had all the tests one should have every few years and there’s nothing wrong with mine eyes, which have definitely not seen the glory of the Lord– or anything much else clearly– these days!

What gives? Is the air THAT dirty? Allergies? Cheapo drugstore brand solution that promises to clean and disinfect but lies through its teeth? Thoughts, wearer of contacts?

So, I’m a bit behind lately and have so many products to review for you! And speaking of behind, Weight Watchers is my new BFF. Even with a fellow foodie in the house and lots more forbidden foods around and tempting me, I’m still slowly but surely dropping the lbs. by writing everything down and getting back on program right away after I get off. The gym is also a major factor. I love that stupid gym now. It is SO GOOD to see results. Very few people but me notice the loss yet but it’s such a relief to just zip up the jeans and have some room to spare. It’s so good not to feel like a stuffed sausage in my sweaters. Best of all, I feel the urge to compulsively nosh my face much less frequently. That’s why I sing the praises of WW: they make explicit and easy the direct correlation between input of food and output of energy. For me, it takes away the emotional agita and guilt around over-eating. My thinking simply becomes: “Well, I ate a lot more today than I could have possibly burned off. That won’t result in a day of weight loss but weight gain. Do I choose that, or do I choose something else?” You can’t argue with calories — they’re not moral entities but chemical ones. You consume them or you don’t. You consume them in the form of fried calamari or in the form of a huge salad that will keep you fuller longer. I am spending more time in food preparation now than I ever have before, but it all weighs out fairly evenly since it takes time to get out of the car and pick up take-out, too.

For helping with refraining from compulsive overeating efforts, I would like to say hanks so much to the Online Ministry Posse. I hope you’re all doing well; please write in if you want support and prayers from “the compassionate void.”