Beauty Tips for Ministers

Going For “Fun And Hip” In 2008

The lovely Rev. Gidget sends this on New Year’s Eve, which PeaceBang is thinking of ringing in very gently — more like a tiny tinkle of a dinner bell than a real ding-dong ringing.

She inquires,

We have sure missed you. I hope you’re feeling rested and peppy again.

Do you have any general guidelines for how to tell if something is “too young” for one to wear? E.g., what’s the difference between fun and hip, and tragically kidding oneself?
Thanks!

Dearest Gidget. I have tried three times to format this bloody response and it keeps getting all glitchy, so let me keep my thanks brief, and say it was good to have a break and someday I’m sure I’ll take another one and I appreciate your support, etc. etc.

I started to answer your question by saying that it was a very good one and difficult to address, because personal style is so … personal! I like to think about certain hip icons like Lauren Hutton, who usually manages to look youthful and cool without looking like she’s trying to relive her high school prom era. A certain rock-and-roll “I’m cool and I don’t need your bougie approval” attitude certainly helps.

If you think of most of the cool middle-aged types you know, it will be immediately obvious that they don’t get that way with short-short skirts, ruffly things, glittery make-up, sheer camisoles or Hello Kitty accessories (although one kick-butt Episcopal priest I know carried a Hello Kitty briefcase with total ironic fashion flair and she got away with it because her clothes are always tailored and elegant, and she’s authentically hip). They have a sense of personal style and a good eye for detail, and they have learned what works for them. Their youthfulness comes from energy, not from shopping at Claire’s Boutique or Forever 21. This is not to say that we shouldn’t shop at those places. We just have to have a very good eye for what’s teenybopper junk and what is, as you say, “fun and hip.”

To avoid looking tragically-kidding-oneself, avoid the fashion mistakes kids often make. They are:
1. Wearing too much make-up and looking clownish.
2. Wearing a permanently self-conscious expression when they’ve changed their hair or clothing style. Be cool. Make changes gradually, as though crafting a work of art, ’cause you are.
3. Buying ill-fitting clothes and then tugging on them throughout the day and night.
4. Not being comfortable in their bodies; bad posture, greasy, unkempt hair, mash-up genres that indicate identity confusion (that’s okay for them — they’re kids. It’s not okay for us).

There’s a whole new world of options out there for the older-than-20-something crowd. Go for it with gusto, especially if you’ve for the figure for it. I love the Anthropologie web site for really hip ideas (wide legged trousers paired with shrunken jackets, full skirts with frilly but classy tops, etc.) Nordstroms.com and other top-end retailers will also give you good ideas without the fantasy element that fashion magazines subject us to (wear this ballgown on this sailboat! Rilly! It will be awesome and glam!). These aren’t clothes we’re going to purchase, this is where we go to get ideas of how we might dress ourselves with a sense of panache and creative style.

There are some fashion trends that I think look wrong on most adult women, and babydoll dresses among the worst recent offenders. I own a few and wear them in the summer because they’re light and comfortable, but they should not make an appearance in any office where a woman wants to be taken seriously. They evoke childhood at worst, and at best they evoke a time when women were expected to be exclusively ornamental or maternal (hence the emphasis on breasts and fecundity, as in “do you think she’s knocked up or is that just the dress she’s wearing?”).

More “youthful” crimes against our fashion dignity:

1. Dresses with pants: strictly for the college crowd. Who thought this up, anyway?
2. Legwarmers: no. Not unless you’re at dance class.
3. Sparkly barrettes and cutesy clips: not a good idea.
4. Braided pigtails: If you’re handing out steaming mugs of Swiss Miss, sure. If not, no.
5. Chopped, too-short bangs: Get out the Rogaine, or see your stylist and have him or her re-do your whole head so that it looks like a chic decision rather than a bad hack job. This goes for men as well as women. And bowl cuts are for toddlers, not adults. Bangs are all the rage right now, but they need to be done right.
6. Skull motif sweatshirts and other goth fashions: Maaaybe, if you pair them with a nice pair of trousers and work in a hip environment. A skull hoodie under a black blazer could look very cool in some settings. Not for the church office, though.
7. Ponytails worn through baseball caps: No, never. Never, ever. Only at the health club.
8. UGGS boots with bare legs and short, flouncy skirts: definitely teenybopper. Avoid if over 18.
9. Flip flops when not at the beach: a sure way to look and sound schleppy, unkempt and unself-respecting.

So start with some funky pieces, adventurers, and go from there. Wear them to non-threatening places like out to dinner with your S.O., and see how you feel. Incorporate your idea of “fun and hip” into your wardrobe one piece at a time, see how much of a kick you get out of your new pieces, and pay attention to how many compliments you get. Don’t worry too much what’s “right.” Like, maybe it’s “wrong” for PeaceBang to have midnight dark blue nails right now. She likes them. They’re short and in style and they work well with her silver jewelry, her winter skin tone and her winter clothes. She is getting a big kick out of them. They are, after all, her hands. You have to know who you are, and have a sense of confidence broadcasting that.

Take some risks! Have some fun! Make it a new year’s resolution!

Kiss of peace, PB

(I think this is a pretty good example of Tragically Kidding Oneself)

Combating Vocal Fatigue

Dear ones,

‘Tis the season for vocal fatigue, so here are a few tips courtesy of PeaceBang’s old theater days:

1. Stay hydrated. Use a humidifier in dry rooms if possible, especially where you sleep. Consider daily use of a Neti pot to clear and hydrate sinuses — I just got one and I love it (it sure beats the old theatre trick of mixing up sea salt and warm water in our palms and snorting it up our noses before heading back onstage!).

2. Be aware that black tea and lemon both have astringent qualities. Better to stick with herbal teas or just warm water, a bit of lemon and honey.

3. Don’t get freaky about dairy : unless you’re an opera singer, having some dairy before big speaking engagements is no big deal, even if you have a cold or are congested. The way some folks react about dairy, you’d think that Bessie the Cow was personally pinching their noses shut and trying to suffocate them. Relax! Put some milk in your tea if you like. Don’t have a bowl of ice cream or a chocolate bar, but that slice of cheese on your toast will do you no harm.

4. WARM UP your voice. Learn to warm up your voice every Sunday morning and before every major speaking engagement. Not only should you get yourself breathing from the diaphragm, you should do so while producing sound. Stand in a grounded position in front of a mirror and put your fist on your abdomen. Make a LOUD sound like “whu-whu-whu” and feel your abdomen moving in and out. That’s a good way to wake that area up. Learn to sing some scales or use other vocal exercises. Warm up with your church choir. Move your face. Recite a poem, over-enunciating every word to get your diction muscles working. THERE ARE TOO MANY PREACHERS OUT THERE GIVING THE WORD WITH HALF THEIR LIFE FORCE! BREATHE, for the love of God, BREATHE! If you suspect you’re one of those preaching with a breathless, teeny-tiny voice, please see a vocal coach! No matter how wonderful or inspired your content, if you’re using half your breath in delivery, you’ll just sound unconvinced and unconvincing. Make it your new year’s resolution not to undermine yourself this way.

5. You can speak and sing over a fairly nasty cold. Trust PeaceBang on this. If nasal congestion is your biggest worry, you’re going to be fine. Coughing is another issue altogether and may require some kind of medication. However, because of the drying effects of sinus medication, I recommend that you forego it until after church and use your breath and your volume to speak and sing through nasal congestion. It can be done, and is often a far wiser choice than dealing with the dehydrating effects of decongestants (which can make your voice crack and itch, and produce coughing). If you must use drugs, try Sudafed Non-Drying Nasal Decongestant.

6. Keep essential oil of rosemary, eucalyptus and lavender on hand. Drop a few drops in a ceramic or glass bowl of very hot water and do the old towel-over-the-head routine. Don’t use too much oil or you’ll irritate your bronchial and nasal passages. Very little will do. Alternately, throw a few drops of eucalyptus oil into the shower before you get it and do a mini-steam bath. Essential oils are wonderful.

7. Stay warm. Keep your throat and your head covered at home and get plenty of rest. This too shall pass.

Kiss of peace.

Lip Gloss Review

Lustrous lipped ones,

PeaceBang confesses to a serious lip gloss addiction, which she figures is pretty harmless in the larger scheme of things. She is always looking for that perfect gloss: something with good enough coverage to wear alone, long-lasting but not too gooey, emollient but not too thick. It cannot taste like bubble gum. It cannot cost more than $10 (unless it’s a Mac Lacquer, an occasional splurge worth every penny). Her favorite shade is one that enhances the color of her favorite stay-put lipcolor (say it with me now, class, “COVER GIRL OUTLAST ALL DAY LIPCOLOR IN BLUSH PEARL” — now tragically defunct but which PeaceBang has stockpiled and which should last her until at least 2009).

So first, Revlon Lip Glide.
This is a product that you should definitely acquire if you enjoy having a mouth that tastes and smells like a petroleum factory; this stuff is poisonous goo, girlfriends! Yuck! What PeaceBang won’t suffer for you, honestly!

But ahhhh, this little beauty by Sally Hansen is just lovely.

I bought it in “antique bronze” and it’s a great product. It goes on with a little brush, stays on over my CoverGirl Outlast All Day, and smells very slightly of candy. The packaging is cute and the price point low enough that you can keep one in your purse and one at home (or in the glove compartment).

The verdict: Thumbs up for Sally Hansen Diamond Lip Treatment. Thumbs way down for Revlon Lip Glide.
Lifetime Achievement: Mac Lip Lacquer.

Fabulous Vegan Bags

When I walked into church the morning of December 16th, not only was it special because a) we had all braved a blizzard to be there and b) we were dedicating a precious little pink-cheeked baby, it was also an occasion of particularly fun and delightful Bag Lust!!

My friend R. (whose idea it was in the first place that I start a blog three years ago) was sporting this fabulous item from Matt and Nat, a Canadian operation whose cruelty-free bags (their term, not mine) are not only allow cows and crocodiles to breathe a sigh of relief, they are gorgeously designed.

PeaceBang bought herself the “Harriet” for Christmas (on way sale!!) and hopes that you might find something you like, too. Fellas, there are a few wallet designs in there for you, and I just LOVE the “Dirty Harry” briefcase design:

Advent Hiatus

Angels, as you know, PeaceBang has chronic anxiety and panic disorder that she is still trying to understand and get cured of. This battle has gone badly lately and so, on doctor’s suggestion to cut everything out of my life — even things that I love (!)– that aren’t absolutely necessary to my daily schedule (with time out for exercise, which I do NOT love), I have decided to take a blogging hiatus.

The reasoning goes like this: if so many things in my life are stimulating, energizing and inspiring (ministry, school, relationships, music, etc.), perhaps it would be good to carve out more space for things that are calming, emptying and maybe even dull? Certainly this season, at any rate.

When Pan and I stop making out so often, I’ll be back.
For now, God bless us, everyone.

Go be beautiful.

Boots N’ Skirts N’ Stuff

A lovely colleague who just purchased some super riding boots asked me the other day how to wear them with skirts. Although we went over the Skirts and Boots Question at great length here, I just wanted to tell you about a gal I saw in the grocery store who was doing it all wrong. She was a fit, handsome middle-aged white woman who looked confident and put together except that she was wearing a pleated skirt well above the knee and knee-high boots with nude stockings. The big gap of flesh between her boots and her skirt made her look exactly like a drum majorette from the waist down. Not good, not good! Reverend ladies of all ages, stay far away from this look or someone may hand you a baton and big, fluffy hat with a chin strap and start following you around with a tuba.

In other Shoe Problems, one of my spies called to leave news of a Flip-Flop Sighting on my voice mail. His message was simple, and so right so I’ll just quote him: “It’s DECEMBER. You should NOT be wearing flip-flops!” Here, here.

PeaceBang is noticing that long, full skirts are still being worn by female Clergy of Size and she has to say precious butterbeans, if you feel at your best visually adding about 30 lbs. to your frame, that’s just the way to do it! Be plump, be flowing, be abundant if you absolutely insist! Or, if you’d like to show that you have a shape that’s actually lots and lots more interesting than voluminous fabric, try on a more fitted style like this one from Catherine’s.

What’s so scary about that?? You don’t have to buy it or anything but seriously gals, if you want one change in 2008 that can be as Moses bringing you out of The Land of Frump, this is it. Shapeless jackets and skirts are out, out, out, and Why? ‘Cause although the world of fashion can be crazy at times, sometimes it makes changes because certain silhouettes are ugly and unflattering. Please give away your utterly shapeless skirts or take them to a tailor and have them taken in at the hips, or hemmed, or do something that will give them some shape. Will you do that for me? Because I just have an irrational need for you to look at least as beautiful in the world as Condi Rice. I don’t like what she represents but she consistently far outshines the female clergy in the polished image department, and that ain’t right.

Speaking of shape, and I was, PeaceBang is squeezing out of her favorite black blazer and noticed that her blouse was pooching out below her blazer buttons during tonight’s worship service for The Compassionate Friends. Oh sure, I was fine standing but sitting at the pulpit, Houston we had a problem . Good thing I could cover my poochiness with a combo of strategic placement of my leather binder of readings and good posture.

Certain items in our wardrobes are so essential that it’s important for us to make sure they fit appropriately at all times. If you have a tendency to change sizes throughout the year, be vigilant. While you work on slimming down (or fattening up, if that’s the issue), be sure you’ve considered what fits and what might need to be purchased or borrowed in a size up or down to get you through the transitional time. In my case, a classic black blazer is something I cannot be without. So while I work on losing the buttah, I’ll temporarily switch to the dreaded Unstructured Black Jacket and wear higher heels and dressier accessories to give my outfits the polish that I want to try to have. That and a good girdle should see me through the holidays.

Remember: NO SNOWMAN SWEATSHIRTS. NO SNOWWOMAN OR EVEN SNOWPERSON SWEATSHIRTS.