Beauty Tips for Ministers

Speak To Us Of Helmet Head

November 30, 2007 on 5:10 pm | In Hair |

Ahhh, PeaceBang is so happy that Christine asked about Helmet Head in the last comments section.

Helmet Head can strike men and women equally, and while it is not the worst of hair issues (sweaty, dandruffy, frizzy tufts on balding men with accompanying strong Scalp Smell is far worse in terms of undermining clergy image), it isn’t doing anyone any favors.

Helmet Head is hair that does not move, is hair that is either cut or styled in such a way as to cause every strand to be in place and gives the impression of uptightness, matronly propriety or, in the case of men, sleazy evangelist (”the bigger the hair the closer to God”). Think “set” hair from the 1960s with lots of tease and spray; that’s one version, and it has its own old-school neatness to it (I’d rather see certain veteran female colleagues in this style than with lank, bobby-pinned tresses snaking limply down their necks, f’ rinstance). Another version of helmet head is the old Hilary Clinton-style bob, which broadcasts to me, “I am UNDER CONTROL. Everything is UNDER CONTROL.” This is not an approachable look.

With HH, nothing moves, everything is stiff. Given that the hair is a symbol of life (which is why, I suppose, really long untrimmed hair gives me the creeps — it’s so dead), Helmet Head communicates to me a degree of fear, repression and need for control.

We can also get HH when we pull our hair back and it just sits there around our faces, unflattering, dull in color, no movement, no shine, nothing but restraint and “neatness.” Pair that with some granny glasses and you’ve got central casting’s “Hippie Chick #1, Circa Kent State Shootings.” Retro, and not in a good way. This look can be incredibly harsh on even the youngest, loveliest faces. Yes, Maria Callas wore her hair severely pulled back but she was intentionally emphasizing her fabulous Greek bone structure. She wore a chignon, not a dull ponytail, and she was never without a deep red lipstick and elegant posture.

As I said, however, that’s not the worst or only Hair Problem that can besiege today’s pastor. Lackluster, no-style hair communicates “I just can’t deal with being a public person.” Chopped-off, unflattering hair (too short bangs on older women, for example) communicates, “I tried! But I have no idea what looks good on me!” Styles that haven’t budged in two decades can communicate, “I’m living in the past and I’d like to insist that you join me there” or “Who, me? Have an exterior appearance? Never thought about it!”

Hair is the easiest way to make a move from wan and washed out to wow, but it scares people. I wish it wouldn’t. I wish women weren’t generally so devoted to maintaining completely unflattering hair colors and styles.

Here’s some great hair. Of course she’s been colored, curled and coiffed by the experts, but look at the movement, the brightness of it, the sense of personality! No, kittens, don’t freak out. I’m not suggesting that we copy Drew’s look, just to say how interesting hair can be, and how much energy it can broadcast.

Because we are not “read” in society as individuals but often as a symbol for the vitality and relevance (or not) of the contemporary church, it behooves all of us to check out our ‘dos and dress to see what we may be unconsciously communicating. That’s my message, that’s what we’re doing here, and Happy Hairdo, everyone.

Hillary In Helmet Head

Hillary In Not Helmet Head

(I can’t find a photo of Hill in full helmet mode — that’s the best I could do. It is worth noting, however, that when “the softening of Hillary Clinton” campaign began, her image people started with her hair.

And just for kicks, this is a photo of me that appeared six years ago in the Boston Globe. Check out how helmet-y my hair was back then. That spiky look was in at that time, but things have loosened up a lot since then: