Beauty Tips for Ministers

Joys and Concerns, Blog Version

“Hi, my name is PeaceBang and I would like to share with the congregation the concern that I got these really cute shoes from Payless for $15 last year, and I thought they’d be comfortable because they’re wedges, but my feet are already killing me and I’m going to wind up limping home at 1:30 pm. And now I’m going to have to give these shoes to Kaji because they’re really, really cute and someone needs to appreciate them.

Thanks. It means a lot for me to be able to share that with the Beloved Community.

Also, I have a joy. I was on NPR yesterday . Thanks for caring.”

Dressing Up Improves Your Productivity!

Sez these people here in this article!

So you mean if I come home from the gym on Thursday morning and change into a suit, my sermon will come more easily and brilliantly than if I write in my sweaty work-out clothes?

(Who am I kidding, anyway? We all know I haven’t been in sweaty work-out clothes since May.)
But, I mean, HYPOTHETICALLY?

Seriously, it’s a pretty good article. A lot of it is the usual cliches (e.g., “dress for the job you want, not the job you have” doesn’t really apply for pastors because the job I WANT is to be Jesus and have godly healing powers and everything, but that’s not BLOODY LIKELY, as they say), but there’s a nice statement in there about how you dress “announcing to the world” how you feel about yourself.

Right now how I feel about myself is very tired. I dropped a big blob of pizza sauce on my left lapel during our lunch at church and after both leading the service and teaching a 2-hour session on UU history and heritage, I’ve been beaten with both the Ugly Stick AND the Tired Stick.

There were so many new faces in church today I got a little bit confused at one point when I looked out in the congregation during the sermon and didn’t recognize half the people. I had this moment of radical disorientation where I thought either (a) I was dreaming about the church service rather than being at it or (b) I was being punk’d for a new reality show called “Someone Swapped My Congregation!” I thought, “While I had my eyes closed during the prayer, did Ashton Kutcher come in here with 100 strangers and sneak them into the pews, or what?

NAP TIME, boys and girls.

These Boots Were, Actually, Made For Walking

So I returned those little shobooties from Sofft and got these (Palomino by Indigo):

Mine are a lighter tan-brown color. I love the color. For the past several years I have been looking for boots that color.

Sometimes you have to return stuff you buy. I had to return those shobooties because I couldn’t see throwing them on and running off to do my day. It’s not that the heel is too high, it’s that the bottom of the shoe isn’t non-skid enough. That, for me, is a very important factor for an everyday shoe: can I go careening around the corner in the grocery store and not wipe out and kill someone? Because this is not the way I want to end up in the news. “LOCAL PASTOR IN TRAGIC SKIDDING ACCIDENT AT THE STOP & SHOP. STORY AT 11.”

I did a real audit of my winter closet. What do I wear all the time? Haven’t I been wearing my pointy-toed Franco Sarto boots pretty much every day of the cold weather for the past two years? Wouldn’t another pair of boots be wise? Yes, and yes. Because if I don’t stop wearing the pointy toes, I’m going to wind up with feet like my old next-door neighbor Inga Kistler, whose toes crossed all over each other and scared me as a child. These Palominos have nice, roundy toes. They are super classic. I can’t wear them with shorter skirts but they’re very fabulous with pants.

I wore them to a powwow yesterday and then went grocery shopping and did some other errands. They need to be broken in (the so-called “extra padded” footbed doesn’t feel so extra padded, so I’m going to add a gel insert), but they were overall very serviceable and best of all, they won’t give me Inga Kistler toes, may she rest in peace, and I mean that. She was such a character. She would take a look at me and say, “You’re getting fat like your mother.” But she actually wasn’t mean about it. She was just a big hearted, compulsively talkative Swedish mom, and a great antidote to all those Stepford moms in New Canaan, CT.

I’m wearing pointy-toed Bandolino pumps to church today. I’m preaching on the inherent worth and dignity of every person, using the film “Monster” as one of my illustrations, and then teaching a Path to Membership session after the service. Go get ‘em, my beauties. Bring it on for God!

Aveeno Clear Complexion Cleansing Pads: Thumbs Up

Now darlings, when a skin care product bills itself as “safe for sensitive skin,” PeaceBang tends to raise her left eyebrow way up in the air and ask, “Oh rrrillly?” in most cynical tones. This is because PeaceBang has extremely rash and blister-prone skin and has broken out into hideous facial disfigurements while testing products that are ostensibly “sensitive skin safe.”

She is happy to report that Aveeno’s new Clear Complexion Cleansing Pads (around $8 for 28 pads) actually DO seem to be safe for even her sensitive skin, and that they actually give her face a nice glow. In fact, since she started using them a couple of weeks ago, she has noticed that she doesn’t need very much corrective make-up at all and can get up and go that much faster in the morning. Rush, rush, rush for Jesus!

These little pads are rather nifty in that they have one smooth side and one exfoliating side (the thing that usually causes nasty blisters on PB’s punim*). But because PeaceBang keeps hearing that Women Over 40 Need To Exfoliate Regularly or risk turning into Bela Lugosi ANY MOMENT NOW, she keeps trying products that are gentle enough for her skin but deliver actual results (unlike, say, that whimpy exfoliating toner that Aveda puts out).

So the good news is, we likey. We also like the fact that we’re not using a dirty ole washcloth to scrub our kisser with every night, which could be breeding god-knows-what kind of bacteria. Since I’m only using the pads once a day, they’ll last for a month. For under $10, that’s not bad.

*It’s Yiddish. It means “face.”

PeaceBang on NPR’s “Weekend America!”

Well darlings, PeaceBang has made another media appearance — this time with the lovely and fun Sean Cole, who showed up for our interview in VERY snazzy spectacles and a snappy outfit. Kids these days, I’ll tell ya.

Here’s the link to two outtakes from the interview. The longer segment (about ten minutes), can be found here, by fast forwarding through Hour One of the Sept. 29 broadcast until you get to minute 44:00.

Over and out,
The “Clergy Fashionista”

Jammies Say “I Want To Curl Up In A Ball and Snooze Now, Thanks”

Say you’re wearing a pair of soft yellow cotton drawstring pants with a matching cotton top, maybe embroidered with flowers. Say you wear this outfit with a pair of soft little yoga shoes.

You’re deliciously comfortable, and that’s a good thing.
If you’re on your day off or in some other relaxed setting, wonderful.
If you’re out and about the work of ministry, however, you look suspiciously like you’re in your jammies.

What does that communicate to the outside world?

To me, it says, “I would like to be in bed asleep right now.” Or, “I don’t see any considerable difference between the comforts of my boudoir and the demands of public leadership.”

Remember the PeaceBang motto, “You can consciously project an image, or you can unconsciously project an image.”

Comfy, pajama-like attire projects an image of bedroom and rocking chair. That might work for some professions, but not, I think, public ministry. We don’t need to be structured and polished at every moment, but we do want to look like people who can stand to be leaned on. When I see someone in a pajama-like outfit, they seem to be unconsciously communicating that they need to be cared for, brought soup in bed, and left alone to sleep and rest.

All good and necessary things, but very conflicting messages for a pastor to be putting out there.