Beauty Tips for Ministers

Spiky Hair, R.I.P. 1992-2001

I had to stop short when I saw this photo of the usually gorgeous actress Diane Lane:

It’s not just that she looks wan and miserable and that the dress is eating her alive.

That HAIR!!!
Holy mother of GOD, what is UP with that hair? Is Diane researching the role of some selfless social activist circa 1993 who was so invested in Burmese workers’ rights that she was above looking good? Will this be her Ugly Oscar Role, like Charlize Theron got for tricking herself out in acne, oily hair and buck teeth for “Monster?”

I just hope so. I really do, because Diane Lane is a beautiful woman with gorgeous hair and her stylist should know that spiky do’s are way out of fashion now and have been for a few years.
Yes, I mourn them too, as they’re easy to maintain and require no styling. However, if you’re willing to wait it out for another twenty years I’m sure they’ll come back. I mean, if metallic Peter Pan boots came back, I’m sure spikey hair will, too.

(Thanks to Gofugyourself.com for the alarming photo).

Ashton Kutcher’s Beauty Tips for Dewds

I’ve never been a fan of Ashton Kutcher (mostly because I never knew any of his work aside from being married to Demi Moore), but I got a HUGE kick out of his words of wisdom for People magazine.

Check it out and have a good giggle, boys and girls.

The Brown Shoe Controversy

I am on my way out the door to make a pastoral visit but I just had to stop and say that I LOVE YOU PEOPLE.

I love that you care so passionately about the relative cuteness/hideousness of the shoes I was considering and that we can have fun like this.

You crack me up. Seriously.

By the way, I did a shoe audit last night and found a pair of 3″ brown wedges I forgot I had purchased at Payless last year. I think they’ll work for a lot of my outfits. NOW I’m thinking that I might be able to skip the purchase of a brown shoe and focus on finding some suitable flat or low-heeled BLACK shoes that aren’t Olive Oylish like the ones I currently wear (and have almost worn out). They are Keenes and have the dumbest, roundest toe of all time. I hear clown music whenever I put them on.

I MIGHT get the Little Dutch Girl/Pilgrim shoes in black, which has a silver buckle. But I might start hearing clown music when I put THOSE on, too.

Ah, dilemmas! And while I’m on the subject, why can’t I find a pair of good snow boots that don’t make me look like the love child of Dusty Springfield and Chewbacca?

And I agree with whoever said that the ankle-boots-with-skirt thing looked hideous in the 80’s, and it will probably look hideous now. Only extremely leggy young fillies who are careful to coordinate rich-colored hose with their boots and skirts should try it. I’ve seen it in the fashion mags and it CAN be done, but not by the likes of meatball-shaped moi, I’ll tell ya.

Ta-ta, darlings! You’re a riot! And did I tell you that some of the latest shoe fashions are called “Shooties?” Apparently a hybrid of shoes and booties.

Silliness!! Ees good for the heart.

xoxo PB

Brown Shoes: Tough Decisions

My criteria:
I have dressy brown pumps. I needed something more casual but still wearable with skirts for church. They have to be comfortable enough to run around in.
I think I love the little clog-like ones with the buckle best (by Indigo Clarks). I wanted something that would look good with a patterned sock and have a slight funk factor.

The first ones are beautiful (Belladonna by Indigo) but I’m sure they’re not nearly as comfortable as the cloggish ones. I don’t think I’d use the booties very often, and I’m not loving the suede Mary Janes.

What do you think?

Aerosoles Sale

Hola, female shoe fiends,

An alert reader sent me a link to a good summer sale going on now at Aerosoles. I couldn’t find anything that meets my current needs (flats with some support that are appropriate with skirts for work, and a pair of brown medium heels/booties), but maybe you will.

Bon chance! Which means, “Good chance!”

Panteh-Hose

Darlings of my heart,

Reader Diane asks about a resource for pantyhose that wear well.

This leads PeaceBang to want to write a rant about the fact that, once upon a time (legend has it that it was immediately after WWII), some manufacturer designed nylon hose for women that were sheer and virtually indestructible. The pantyhose industry reacted fast with threats and recriminations: if women only had to buy a few pairs of hose now and then, where would all the profit be?

And so it was that the Legendary Indestructible Pantyhose were never manufactured and we’re stuck paying $8 for some flimsy silky things that are destined to run the moment we pull them on.

This might be an urban legend, of course, but it might be true. Why haven’t any great minds come up with a stronger pantyhose? Why, for that matter, aren’t there male birth control pills yet?

While we ponder these mysteries, let us share our thoughts on the dreaded panteh-hose, an item of apparel that PeaceBang dons only when strictly necessary and hates with all her heart.

What are your favorite brands? My lingerie drawer is full of Just My Size, Talbots (they make brown and charcoal gray! fun!*), and many pairs of opaque tights.** I also seem to have good luck with all kinds of Hanes products. How’s by you, gals? What brands work for you and last more than one wearing?

**Opaque tights are very much in fashion right now. They are not in fashion with Dansko clogs and long skirts, but with, say, a pencil skirt and a pair of ankle booties or nice pumps. If you wear opaque hose, do be sure to pair them substantial-enough shoes. You’ll look quite gauche if you wear a light shoe with heavy hose. See any of the fall fashion magazines for ideas and to get a sense of balance.

*Colored hose are tricky. Older women wearing colored hose should beware that they can look clownish, or break up the body into unflattering chunks of competing color schemes. Unless you have a fantastic figure and are intentionally going for a sense of whimsy, use colored hose in the same color scheme as your skirt so that they provide a longer line to your shoe. The same goes for textured hose: you don’t want the eye to be drawn immediately and dramatically to your leg, but to use textured hose to add some classy visual interest to an otherwise very tailored look. In PeaceBang’s humble opinion, diamond patterns are a no-no. Stay with a herringbone or other simpler pattern, and for God’s sake wear them with a heel. Nothing will make you look dumpier and dowdier than throwing on a pair of textured hose with clogs or “comfortable” shoes.