Beauty Tips for Ministers

Cro Magnon No More!

Cro Magnon
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Ah-HA! I have figured out a crafty way around Blogger problems! I will post directly through Flickr and be foiled no more!

Anyway, look how nice this man looks after having his brows waxed. No more scowly, Cro-Magnony face! Think how this could open your face in the pulpit, fellas!

I’m sure it’s easy as pie to find a waxing product for gents in your local pharmacy or to walk into any salon and have it done. Tell them you don’t want the ends too pointy ’cause you’re not Jake Gyllenhaal and you don’t need to be quite *that* groomed. It will cost you $15 and take about five minutes.

As for the male reader who wrote me recently to express his horror that I would recommend maintaining a smooth-shaven face when it costs him a tremendous sacrifice of ease and comfort to do so, I would like to say– Darling, Easter is over. Get off the Cross. And besides, your female colleagues who daily strap themselves into brassieres, panty hose and other constraining undergarments in the effort to look polished and presentable have already cornered the market on martyrdom. So step off, brother preacher man, or I’ll make you spend one whole Sunday in my heels and you’ll never complain about shaving again.

He Waxes His Own Brows

Lovely ones,

PeaceBang is having such a FUN week in the financial sense. Just one day after writing nice juicy checks to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the Internal Revenue Service, PeaceBang learned that her car needs front and back brake pads and rotors and an alignment, all to the dissonant tune of $950. Ack. Blag.
Also, it happens to be about 36 degrees and sleeting right now.
AND the Sox lost last night, and I couldn’t even hate the Mariners because they actually played an awesome defense, and their pitcher ruled.

While PeaceBang is tempted to impale herself on a sharp piece of dark chocolate left over from an enormous Easter egg given her by dear congregants, she will manage to find the Strength To Go On. Because, really, there was a bright spot in her morning. It happened when she noticed that her mechanic, a young man who has a terrific goatee and crazy hair, has particularly beautiful eyebrows. So beautiful, in fact, that PeaceBang had to ask it. “Do you wax your eyebrows?” she inquired, teasingly. Our modest mechanic blushed in a manly way and declined to answer. And at that moment, PeaceBang knew that he was busted. “They’re FABULOUS,” she gushed, and then,”Who does them for you?”

“I do them myself,” he gruffly offered, and then said, “Man, I’m outta here,” barely managing to hide his smile as he stomped back to the garage. Meredith, the lovely receptionist, and I giggled madly.

So there you have it, gentlemen. If my mechanic can wax his eyebrows, so can you. I’ll ask him what he uses when I go pick up my car later today.

The Baron De Dandruff

dandruff
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Good morning, my little yellow sugar chicks! How was your Easter?
PeaceBang’s was lovely, thank you, and she feels eminently grateful that following the big day, she was able to take an actual, whole Day Off during which she slept, ate leftover chocolate torte, and read most of Jeffrey Eugenides’ marvelous novel, Middlesex. I feel like a new woman! A new woman with the same body, mind, soul, personality, life situation, tax return, bitten down fingernails, family and friends, but still… relatively new. New in the spiritual sense.

Just a word about dandruff, named for the Baron De Dandruff, who was so beloved in the court of King Gustav of Sweden that all the lords and ladies could be found frantically working cheese graters over their scalps before important events in a mad effort to emulate the Baron’s flaky look. In that time –and this was roughly between the time of the Vikings and the Renaissance, you understand — you just weren’t DRESSED if you didn’t have big white flakes adorning your shoulders. Men and women took to wearing black shawls just to highlight their Dandruff. It was all the rage until it was revealed that the Baron de Dandruff had committed unnatural acts with lap dogs, at which time the tide of fashion and society turned against him with a vengeance.

Which is all to saythat dandruff is never a good look and if you suspect you have it, please investigate solutions. You may be turned out in your very finest, prepared to speak in the voice of Wisdom herself, and charming in every meaningful sense of the word. But if your shoulders and back are sprinkled with little bits of your scalp, my dears, the general public will generally greet you not with the admiration you deserve but with the ancient, evocative expression, known in many cultures, that sounds something like this: “eeeeeewwwww.”

Robin Redbreast Convention

Robin Redbreast Convention
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

I was coming home this afternoon after doing errands and saw about thirty of these dudes on the front lawn, very industrious, obviously having a very important gathering.

They’re all over the backyard, too — probably fifty of them. Have you seen the way these guys move around, all stiff-necked, very uptight and professional? They all look like they should be carrying little clipboards. But they are VERY HANDSOME. And they expect to be treated VERY SERIOUSLY.

I love them. They cut quite a figure and it will be a delight to watch them out the window as I work on the Easter service.

Discontinued Make Up

Darlings, I know we all have more holy work to do than this today, but I wanted to alert you to the fact that two products I love and recommend frequently are being discontinued by the dastardly villains at CoverGirl.

They are Remarkable Washable Waterproof Mascara
and
Outlast All Day Lip Color!! (As any faithful reader of this blog knows, I wear this lip color in Blush Pearl as my base color just about every blessed day of my life)

(sounds of moaning, wailing, gnashing of teeth)

I have gone to Drugstore.com and stocked up on both products, which should last me for about two years until I find decent alternatives.

Now, get thee to church.

I’m Not a Plastic Bag

I’m Not a Plastic Bag
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Brit actress Keira Knightley was recently spotted carrying this bag. It is apparently All The Rage, because it’s sold out. It costs five British pounds, and no, I can’t get one for you.

Rather cute statement, though, and lovely to put your daily baguette and frommage in. Oh sorry. For a moment there I thought I was in Paris.

::stares off into space dreaming of Paris, except for that really tough climb up the back stairs to Monmartre::::