Beauty Tips for Ministers

Professor Lucinda Roy

Professor Lucinda Roy
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Darlings, PeaceBang hasn’t felt much like being your cheeky correspondent this week, but she feels that she should say aloud what we’re all thinking,

“Professor Lucinda Roy, you are one class act.”

Seriously. Amidst the horrors of the Virginia Tech massacre, Dr. Roy has spoken to the media several times about her experience with the profoundly troubled Cheo Seung-Hui. On every occasion that I’ve seen, she has been composed, articulate, compassionate, and dressed in a manner that communicates total respect for her profession and her school.

Let us watch, and learn, and hope to God that we are never put in a similar situation.

Lord have mercy.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia

Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Maureen McCormick, honey, you don’t NEED to go on “Celebrity Fit Club.” You’re fine; you don’t need to go on a special television show to lose weight and humiliate yourself. Just cut back on the Twizzlers and the tuna melts. PeaceBang only wishes she was that “overweight!”

You may, however, choose to enroll in “Celebrity Eyeshadow Rehab,” where they’ll teach you that it’s really not necessary to match your eye shadow to your dress. There can even be a big televised finale where you fling your hideous blue eyeshadow into the garbage, fully reformed.

Also, Maureen? White go-go boots? And… no, I’m not even going to talk about the dress. You’re Marcia Brady and that gives you special immunity.

[Thanks to the Fug Girls for the photo]

The Footwear Anti-Christ Has Possessed My Soul

The Footwear Anti-Christ Has Possessed My Soul
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

You can all light a candle and say a prayer for PeaceBang, who is sitting at her desk wearing a pair of GREEN CROCS.

I can hear you gasping across two continents and eight nations (Great Britain, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Spain, New Zealand, the United States and Canada).

I know. I know. But they were on sale for $4.99 at the Christmas Tree Shop and I needed them for gardening and then I put them on because my feet hurt and lo and behold, I am wearing Crocs. I, the Anti-Croc Crusader. I, the Official Hater and Despiser of Crocs.

People, I am humbled.

But my feet feel great.

And Get Me a Pair While You’re At It!!

And Get Me a Pair While You’re At It!!
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Thanks to m’dear Philocrites for sending this fascinating tidbit from the NY Times along.

“Women do spend $1,069–$246 more than men do–on clothing every year, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics 2004-2005 Consumer Expenditure Survey.
But that’s chump change compared with what single men spend on car ownership ($846 more than single women), eating out ($752 more), alcoholic drinks ($280 more) and audiovisual gear ($143 more).
Cutting back on needless spending isn’t a bad idea for anyone, but ‘renegotiating your credit-card balances or getting a lower cost on your IRA probably saves you a lot more money,’ says Christian Weller, an economist at the Center for American Progress. ‘That’s much more prudent advice to women than saying ‘Don’t go buying all those Prada shoes.’”

You have PeaceBang’s full permission to join her in lusting after these Prada beauties. Because despite Jesus’ admonition, darlings, lusting is FREE.

More On Capris, Eyebrows and My Identity

You are delightful, readers o’ mine.

I awoke this morn quite the Miss Crankypants but as soon as I read your comments on my last post, I cheered right up.

First, the matter of the capri-length pants.

Some more thoughts.
1. Shorter-length pants are sporty. Period. The only gals who can get away with dressing them up are 21-year old Hollywood types who might pair them with gold strappy sandals and a lap dog and therefore make them “dressy” by Los Angeles-area standards. To pull this off, you need a perma-tan, a sports car, a $3,000 little purse and long blonde hair. Do not try this at home.

For most of us, capri-length pants (and Lord have mercy, let’s not get shorter than calf-length for ministry work!) are much too youthful and casual for Being Taken Seriously In. They look clean and polished on slim women of average height but for taller women, they look silly, and for short women, they make us look shorter. For heavy women, they’re singularly inelegant.

You may love capris with sneakers, my doves, but they do not necessarily love you back. Unless you’re on a picnic with congregants, PeaceBang sternly admonishes you to put down the sneakers and leave them for days off.

You may be seeing “shorts suits” in the fashion magazines, but that’s a whole different animal. Suits with dressy shorts are an option being marketed to fashionable professional gals, but PeaceBang thinks that not only are they aesthetically hideous, they’re fairly impossible for all but the most sartorially talented to pull off well, or at all.

Scott, you didn’t appreciate the fact that the “before” picture of Eyebrow Boy made him look like an ax murderer? Where’s your appreciation for the finer manipulative points of advertising?! How else should he look but hangdog, shadowy and ominous?
:::chortle, chortle:::

Ms. Dom from Seattle, I am indeed a real life minister. When I’m not channeling my irrepresible alter ego, PeaceBang, I’m serving this lovely congregation: www.firstparishnorwell.org and you’re most welcome to acquaint yourself with the deep work of my heart on the sermons link. Not that blogging isn’t also the deep work of my heart, but in a different way.

And hey everyone, YogaToes really do work! I’ve been using them for about a week now, for about an hour at a time, and my toe is in much better shape, and no foot pain!!

What To Wear With Shorter Pants

A loyal reader inquires as to what kind of shoesies we should wear with the shorter pants that are popular in the spring and summer.

A nice sandal with pedicured toes and SOFT, CLEAN HEELS would be nice. On your feet, I mean, not just the shoe. It’s only April and we’re already getting into some dire Sandal Situations, about which more later.

A dressy flat is also nice.

If you’re just around the office, a chunky casual sandal is fine, but pair it with a more polished top than just a tee-shirt. It’s obviously a very “casual Friday” kind of look, and not something you would ever wear on a Sunday or to an evening church event.

PeaceBang is not a big fan of the shorter pant, as it is a distinctly unflattering style — no one needs to be cut off at the calf like that — but she understands that some of you manage to look quite cute in your little cotton pants and will persist, therefore, in wearing them. Some of us will not look cute in them, but will wear them anyway because they’re comfortable, and PeaceBang herself is among this group. Especially in the hot summer which MAY COME SOMEDAY BUT YOU’D NEVER KNOW IT SINCE IT’S STILL FREEZING RAIN OUT!

What not to wear with the shorter capri-type pants are :
sneakers of any kind
Crocs
flip-flops of any kind
heavy pumps
boots, unless you’re Sienna Miller

Please, please, please do not wear capris in bright colors or in frog or palm tree prints. PeaceBang’s heart couldn’t take it.