Beauty Tips for Ministers

To My Andover Newton Classmate

Hi, colleague and classmate!

You came into class today and commented on my “fame” and said that your wife thinks you have no fashion sense and maybe we should talk.

You can tell your wife that PeaceBang thinks you look just nifty.

You were wearing a big blue sweater over your clerical collar today. The sweater was a pretty shade of blue and was all nubby and textured and nice. You looked warm. You were wearing some kind of perfectly fine pants and I didn’t notice your shoes, but I noticed your very au courant eyeglasses that look great on you, and I think your beard and hair are great — kind of shaggy and friendly but well-groomed. You’ve got energy and presence and you just get yourself all snazzed up and out of that collar and take that wife of yours out dancing.

Tell her that if she’s worried about “no fashion sense,” she’s got the wrong guy.

Fashion Emergency: Ash Wednesday Edition

Dearests,

I pause in the middle of the day to post this burning questions about vestments because I am
aware that some of you have evening services and this might help you, too:

Dear PeaceBang,

I just finished an Ash Wednesday service and had an unexpected problem with my vestments.

I know you tend to focus on what we wear under our vestments, but I imagine you or one of your readers might be able to help me out.I have one of those gorgie Guatemalan woven stoles in purple which I love to break out for Advent and Lent.

The problem is that its one long piece of tapestry, about 6″ wide, with no stitching or darts or anything to help it lay neatly around my shoulders and behind my neck.

I’ve tried folding the middle part a bit so it could sit flat against the back of my neck, but it looks a little silly. I’ve also tried the trick of letting it go really loose, not letting the center touch the back of my neck, making it look like a hood back there. I hate being preoccupied with these things during church and Lord knows I can’t go about fussing with it once I’m up there.

Any suggestions on how to wear it or how to fix it so it looks neater?Thanks, and keep up the good work, Chick Pea.

-Mamacita

Dear Mamacita,

Did you just call me “Chick Pea?” How cute are you?

Well, about one thing you are certainly correct: you cannot go fussing around with your stole once you’re up there.

As for the rest, this is a tough question, and I would think that a good seamstress might be consulted before you wear this stole again.

Readers, what say you?

The Trouser Situation Room

PeaceBang is really very tired right now, but she’s a little bit wired and suspects that laying her head on the pillow would yield no sleep until she’s unwound a bit.
And how better to unwind than to cozy up to you, my dear ones, with a cup of chamomile tea and a couple of observations about

A LITTLE PROBLEM WE SEEM TO BE HAVING WITH CLERGY TROUSERS CHOICES.

PeaceBang is taking deep, cleansing breaths.

She is going to try to stay calm as she says this.

Clergy should not wear sweat pants for their daily work of ministry. Sweat pants are pants that are black stretchy cotton and that taper at the ankle. Perhaps you didn’t know that those are sweat pants. PeaceBang assures you that they are, and that they are not appropriate for public appearances of any kind except the gym.

Women clergy should not go about pastoral business in Levi 501 jeans. Sorry, gals. Men can get away with it. We cannot, unless they are paired with structured, dressier tops. Please, we love denim. But Levis 501s and ancient, faded Lee jeans are not appropriate denim garments for anyone in a public leadership role. They are what your grandmother used to refer to as “dungarees.” Save them for gardening, or grocery shopping, or a day when you won’t be in church.

Dear ones. It’s not complicated. Your pants should fit. They should not be pegged at the ankle unless you’re such a fashion maven that you actually went out and bought yourself a new pair of the “skinny jeans” that were all the rage among extremely slim and fit 20-somethings this past year. Trousers should not end at the top of your ankle. If they have shrunk over the years, for heaven’s sake thank them for their loyal service and retire them!

PeaceBang understands that it’s hard toiling in the vineyards of the LORD and that we all want to be comfy. But please, for the love of Merv Griffin, be better prepared to represent religious leadership than sweat pants and dungarees.

Regardez, my doves:

If you’re wearing denim pants — PeaceBang is this close to not calling them jeans anymore — aim for denim that is dark and long enough. (No need to get these particular jeans with the snazzy pocket that draws attention to the posterior, but the length and wash are great here).
This little gal whose image I randomly nabbed off Google Image Search is friendly and actually more polished than several clergypeople I saw at a meeting the other day (!), but those jeans are too faded and inappropriate for work. Save them for private life.

Okay, honeybuns? Can we work on this PANTS SITUATION so that I can stop feeling the need to call Wolf Blitzer?

PeaceBanging Poppa T

PeaceBang is still fanning her face after this media blitz, and is looking forward to bringing the Ministry of Clergy Beautification to a wider audience in days to come. We may even be making prime time, cupcakes! Won’t that be fun?

For now, though, we cannot just flop around on our laurels, can we? We have serious work to do. Like responding to this e-mail from our friend, the Revd. Timothy Holder, Founding Priest and Pastor of the HipHopEMass USA!
(I didn’t add that exclamation point, it’s on his signature) who wrote to say, and I quote: “PeaceBang me, Sista!”

Being the pastor of a small town New England Unitarian church doesn’t exactly qualify me to be a “SISTA,” but Tim, my little magnolia blossom, I shall happily comment on this photo:

Well, this is easy schmeezy!

Timotei is known professionally as “Poppa T,” and he has a very special urban ministry with the hip hop community. Therefore, he has a very special look.
Tim writes that his “Justice Now + I Have A Dream” jacket was a gift from the rappers of Boston.* Isn’t that nice? It’s quite a smashing garment, actually. It’s just not something you or I could wear.

Tim can wear it because it’s a gift from people with whom he is in actual ministerial relationship. It is not some uber-chic thing that he picked up during Fashion Week so he could look the part of a hip hop pastor. He is a hip-hop pastor. He actually invented the HipHopE Mass, so he has serious street cred.

How a gay man from Alabama got to be an ordained Episcopalian priest and go on to found a hugely popular hip hop worship tradition is another story for another blog, but PeaceBang is just here to say that Timmy, you look wonderful, you’re adorable, and big kiss of peace to you. Can’t wait to see you in April.

*Where they will celebrate HipHopEMass April 18 at St. Paul’s Cathedral. See you there!

Dear Boston Globe Readers [updated 8 pm, 2/18]

Dear Boston Globe Sunday paper reader,

I’m so glad that curiosity about this weekend’s article in the Globe about this blog
http://www.boston.com/yourlife/fashion/articles/2007/02/18/preaching_fashion/
has brought you here, and welcome to Beauty Tips For Ministers!

Whether you’re here because you’re clergy or because you’re a curious layperson, or because you’re just bored and have nothing else to do, I’m glad you’ve stopped by.

As Globe readers now know, when I’m not blogging in the outrageous persona of PeaceBang, I’m the Rev. Victoria Weinstein of Norwell, Massachusetts.

In all seriousness, and as myself, I warmly invite you to consider a Unitarian Universalist congregation if you are seeking a spiritual home. We are a free faith tradition and gather in covenanted community to support one another in the search for truth and meaning. Whatever your religious background — or if you have none at all — you are welcome to join with us in the work of cultivating reverence, ministering to one another, engaging in the work of social justice and ethical commitment. We are a theologically diverse people and abide with one another in the spirit of love –
cherishing our doubts and differences and affirming the inherent worth and dignity of every person.
In the words of one of our spiritual forebears, “We need not think alike to love alike.”

You can find out more about us at www.uua.org, where you will find a handy directory of congregations near you.

My own beloved community, the First Parish in Norwell, welcomes you to join with us on Sunday mornings at 10:00 AM for our worship services and Sunday School. We have a very vibrant congregational life in Norwell, with opportunities for religious education for all ages, service and outreach projects, and fellowship with a friendly, creative, caring group of people. You can learn more about us at www.firstparishnorwell.org, and I hope you will. (P.S. I will be guest preaching in Kingston this morning, so I’ll see you next week in Norwell.)

Thank you to Globe reporter Michael Paulson for being such a wonderful and responsible journalist and for shepherding this anxious pastor through a story that, in the hands of a lesser writer, could have just been sensationalistic and embarrassing for me. A PeaceBang halo to you, Mr. Paulson.

[Oh my GOSH. I just now discovered the “interactive graphic” on p. 2 of the online version. What a riot!! It’s like playing with a paper doll , and although I was very nervous when being recorded for the commentary, I don’t think you can tell:
http://www.boston.com/yourlife/fashion/articles/2007/02/18/preaching_fashion/?page=2 ]

[After having listened to the commentary on the “interactive graphic” segment of the online story, I want to clarify that when I say that clergywomen need “more color,” I mean not just color as in pink cheeks, but polish and definition of features regardless of skin color.]

To my readers who wrote to Michael with testimonials about the influence of this blog in your lives, bless your hearts. Your kindness and eloquence have deeply touched me. Even if you didn’t make it into the article, Michael Paulson forwarded your e-mails to me and I have read them all. They are absolutely wonderful and inspiring.

Have a beautiful and blessed Sabbath.
Peace.
Bang.

[photo by my pal james estes, blogging as “peregrinato”]

An Impeccable Public Appearance

How many of us have appeared on the local cable show to talk about our ministry? PeaceBang sees lots of hands in the air.

Here, on YouTube, no less, is a wonderful example of how to look while giving a smasheroo articulate and gracious interview:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmT9eRyZUzM

I know you’re thinking, “Well, yes, of course she looks elegant and beautiful — she’s young and gorgeous! How hard could it be?”

This is true. I wouldn’t argue with you. She is young and gorgeous. However, she is also a full- time pastor of a thriving congregation who serves on a handful of boards, travels frequently, and is the mother of a four year-old. She didn’t get out of bed looking like this.*

In fact, I am guessing that she’s wearing foundation, a bit of blush, some eye make-up, and she’s spent time on her hair. She chose her outfit carefully, she considered colors and length of skirt and image (the funky necklace says to me, “Yes, I am the parish minister of an historic New England congregation, but I am neither staid nor stuffy, so hey, check us out!”). She’s composed and polished, and it doesn’t hurt that she has a lovely speaking voice and excellent posture. Everything about her visual look underscores and highlights the tremendous intelligence of what she is saying.

That’s how to do it, kids!

A big PeaceBang halo to the Rev. Parisa Parsa! Rock on, dear colleague.

* PeaceBang knows this from firsthand experience, since we have roomed together for many years at General Assembly and beheld each other many times at our bed-headed worst.