Beauty Tips for Ministers

Crack WAS Wack

whitney
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Could you just CRY?

Remember when Whitney was just looking so hideously used up and broken down and dried out and had horrific skin and her hair was all sticking up crazy and she looked like death?

Look at her now. By God, there’s hope for her after all.

That is a pretty bad hair color but hey, that’s the beauty of wigs: you can change your color as often as you like.

What works here: great lip color, glowing skin, nicely lined eyes, and a HUGE smile. Teeth whiteners are a former drug addict’s best friend.

Blessings on you, Whit. Stay clean, baby. And stay away from that man. He is POISON for you.

61 and FAB

bette1
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

I’m sure she’s had work and whatnot, but it’s a great haircut, great make-up, and you can see why you have to use sun protection on your CHEST as well as your face, pumpkins.

Love you, Miss Midler! Worship you! Adore you!

Hilarious Comment

Bay Area Episcopal responds to my query, “If I wrote a book, would you buy it?”

She says,

“I’m in. I’d be delighted to share it with my Episcopal brethren here in the Bay Area of CA, too. When, when, when will my fellow clergy learn that clogs, dark leggings, a corduroy skirt and a shapeless sweater do not cry, “friend of the poor and downtrodden” nearly as much as they bellow, “I’m not comfortable being a professional”?”

Thanks for the sympathetic guffaw with my Sunday morning coffee, Bay!

PeaceBang, wishing you all a blessed Sabbath.

PeaceBang Is Called To the Ministry Of Beauty

As I was picking up some shoes at the Nine West outlet today on the way home from the Cape, I helped a woman choose a pair of boots for her high school reunion tonight. The salesgirl was trying to convince her to go with a pair of pointed toe, high-heeled ones that were absolutely huge around her tiny calf, but I gave her an “ex-nay” gesture behind the salesgirl’s back. She got rid of the clerk and we picked out some boots.

And then, dear readers, I sent her next door to the Jones New York store to find a jacket. You know why? Because she was a SOUL IN NEED and PeaceBang just couldn’t help it. Here was this beautiful, slim woman drowning herself in a too-long, shapeless zipped jacket with ROLLED UP SLEEVES. I could no better ignore that than the Samaritan could walk by that poor busted up dude on the Jericho road. I wanted her to just shine when she walked into that reunion. I wanted all the girls who were mean to her in high school fall down in fits of envy. I did refrain from offering to come over and do her make-up, but darlings, I was tempted. It would have been so much fun.

She said, “I don’t have any sisters, so this was a god-send for me.” And I hugged her and told her she was going to be smashing.

I was offered a sales position at both the Jones New York and the Nine West outlet stores. Just kidding.
Only the Nine West store. I never went to Jones New York. I hadn’t eaten all day and I was faint with hunger.

The moral of the story is, I love this stuff and so do you. If you’d like to hire me as a speaker for your denominational, collegial or professional event as speaker, consultant and make-over artist, go ahead and ask. I have much of July and August available.

If I wrote a book, would you buy it?

Eye Gel and Sheen and Shiny

Kiehl’s Eye Stuff
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

A testimonial!

After a night of heavy petting with a bag of SmartFood Popcorn, I awoke this morning to horribly puffy bags under my eyes.

I wouldn’t have cared, but I had a presentation later in the afternoon, so I cared.

I used my usual Kiehl’s Ultra-Protection Moisturizing Eye Gel and voila! No more puff, and I had a nice healthy sheen under the eye area to distract from my sallow visage. You think this stuff is expensive at $30, but I’m telling you, it lasts for thousands of months.

I do notice as the light changes and casts more shadows that I become distinctly jowly and gray-tinged. Darlings,I RELY on my brightening powders and sheen-enhancing products!

I saw a particularly gorgeous item of the seminarian kind the other night from across the room and noticed that her lips looked small and set in a firm, stern line. How strange! She of the ebullient smile and pretty prettiness! Upon closer inspection later, I saw that she was wearing a deep berry color lipstick that was applied *not quite* all over her lip, and it had dried, giving her a much smaller lip area than she actually had.

This doesn’t matter at all, except when you’re speaking in public and you want to consider how well folks can see your features. Our lips do lose collagen and get thinner as we age, so heck, no use ageing yourself unnecessarily by coloring inside the lines. Just promise me you won’t go puffing yourself up with collagen injections like those Hollywood starlets who look as though they’ve been whacked repeatedly in the mouth with a pingpong paddle.

And if you wear one of those stay-all-day lipcolors (which PeaceBang certainly does), use that moisturizing topcoat!

A special “hello” to my new friend and reader from Cambridge — who looked so beautiful and professional today in a lovely black suit, neutral open-weave sweater and GORGEOUS gold necklace — and to the ANTS fan known as “my cubicle-mate.” Thanks for reading!

Witchy Hair

It’s getting so near Halloween. Is that why I keep seeing ministers with outrageously split ends and tattery, witchy hair out and about? Are they sporting those raggedy, hanging-in-your-face or ponytailed frazzled locks in preparation for their Halloween costume? I can only hope so, and pray that they’ll get themselves to the hairdresser during the first week of November.

People, conditioner is your friend. Get your hair trimmed frequently enough to keep it healthy, and as the weather gets dryer and colder, acquire some Fructis or Tresseme or Paul Mitchell or Bumble & Bumble or Suave conditioner and USE IT!!