Beauty Tips for Ministers

For This I Could Stay Home (Black Flat Search)

for this I could stay home
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

My arches hurt just looking at these. And that bow! Please!

The Rev. Mrs. Doubtfire (Black Flat Search)

taking tea
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Probably super comfortable, but I envision myself dressed in a worsted wool sweater and pouring tea for the vicar. I don’t think so.

Moving right along…

Lord, Why Dost Thou Mock Me In This?

rockport
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Even branching out from black flats to taupe and other neutrals, I’m still having no luck.

These sturdy little items from Rockport are rather cute, but I’m just not *quite* ready to give up on the hope for a sex life someday. So, no.

These sure do look comfortable, and when I get called to a congregation of SMURFS, I’ll definitely get a pair.

And these little jim dandys with absolutely no support might be cute once you get them on,

but I have this irrational fear that they might go flying off my foot in the middle of a board meeting and hit someone in the eye. We can’t have that.

You Know You Want One

I’m not sure how I just designed this. I was thinking about my sermon and kicking around some sites and wham, before you know it…!

http://www.says-it.com/seal/

No, I Won’t You Be Your Neighbor, And I Hate Your Pants

He Was Kidding, Right?
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

This gorgeous hunka hunka burning love is apparently J.C. Chasez, a celebrity-oriented type person. Never hoid of him before.

He’s very handsome. He’s fit. He’s young, he has beautiful skin and cute hair. So what’s with the outfit? Is this supposed to be ironic? Or nostalgic? Or just kind of whimsically elegant? Because fish ain’t biting. To my eyes it just looks silly, and totally out of character. It looks like a costume, which is always a mistake. He looks like he just escaped from a bus-and-truck of “Forever Plaid.”

Fellas, we know that the REAL J.C. always unerringly fashionable. This J.C., not so much. Look how he’s emasculated himself, made himself a walking expression of sarcasm, and just plain dressed like a foo’. (As in,”Hey foo’! What’s with the plaid pants!”)

I know a good number of clergy gents who attempt this look on some level as a way of working the tranquil, unthreatening Rev. Fred McFeely Rogers vibe, but believe me, they mostly don’t succeed. Even if you have a sort of avant-garde cardigan like this one, and you think you’re dressing it up with a tie, think twice before emulating Monsieur Chasez. If you’re truly gentle and fatherly, and you’re over 60, maybe you can carry it off. If you’re young and handsome, don’t don this kind of ensemble as a way of underplaying your natural hotness. It might just make you look weirdly pervy, like this guy. And Lord knows we don’t need that.

Thus spaketh the Bang, who when she sees plaid pants, always thinks “Darien Country Club,” and not in a good way.

Thanks to the Go Fug Yourself gals for the photo.

New For Fall ‘06: The Vertical Tonsure!!

My dear and reverend brothers,

I believe in you. I do. So I know I don’t have to tell you that this look probably won’t work for you (maybe I would feel a weensy bit better about it if it didn’t appear that this model was on the toilet in the photo, but I don’t think so):

If you’re a Franciscan, maybe we can talk. But for the rest of you, while fringes are lovely on your vestments, they are not lovely on your head. In fact, if you’re a fringey-haired fella, you might just want to consider the power of the bald.
Send me a photo and I’ll advise.

Kiss of peace to you, spiritual hotties!

Photo courtesy of PlanetDan