Beauty Tips for Ministers

Emmy’s Commentary

Here it is, folks, the best of the best:

http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/

If you don’t have time to read your way through all the commentaries (do try, though… I mean, who else could make an anagram out of Eva Longoria’s name?), let me just point out the issue with Frances Conroy and Candace Bergen.

I love and admire both of them. A lot. However, they both attempted the belt-the-hips look that has come back in with a vengeance and was last seen in about 1986, back when both Ms. Bergen and Mr. Conroy were younger and probably had a lot less hip.

Words to the wise: (1) adapt fashions to your body type. (2) Recognize that age changes your body type in ways you can’t control or anticipate.

Cutesy Jewelry

Organizing jewelry is a big hassle, and if I was a smart cookie and not a raccoon who sends her acquisitive little claw after every shiny thing, I would pare my baubles down to the classics:

Silver hoops
Brushed gold hoops
Something enormous and blingy for dressing up
Pearls
Diamond studs
A few necklaces and rings

HA HA HA! I have to laugh until it hurts!

I’m sure that you, like I, have a few more items than those I’ve listed above, and if you’re like me, you buy a string of colorful beads or a pair of crazy earrings with the thought that they will just make an outfit, and in the end you go right back to the old favorites. Eventually, the crazy earrings and the beads get donated to the church fair. And so it goes, until we work that raccoon DNA out of our systems through the slow process of spiritual or genetic evolution.

But ’til then, dears, do keep your accessories organized so that you don’t have to dig for them. They can be a wonderful way to make an outfit more memorable and beautiful, but not if that fabulous brooch is buried under your socks and bras.
Get a few hanging organizers here,
http://www.creativespacesusa.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=654
and you can see all your lovelies!

PeaceBang organized all her baubles, bangles and beads yesterday, and told herself with great and serious sternness that she is not to buy ONE MORE THING for at least a year. And then she promptly went out to purchase trousers at the mall and bought a pair of brushed gold hoops by Kenneth Cole, who really makes the most terrific, affordable and wildly fashionable stuff.
You can blame SisterBang for this, as if I hadn’t seen a pair of earrings that I knew SHE would want, I never would have blithely tossed the second pair for myself onto the check-out counter at the same time.

Yay, though I walk through the jewelry department of Lord & Taylor,
I will fear no impulse purchase
for Thou art with me…

Finally, pooches, do reconsider those image-undercutting jewelry items you’ve been keeping for sentimental reasons. You know what I mean: the teensy little butterfly earrings that would be more appropriate on a sixth grader, the huge plastic dangly necklace that was in vogue when you had an asymmetrical hairdo, the bolo tie from your days on the prairie that just looks bizarre in your new, urban setting, the big serpentine poison ring from your goth days.
Jewelry speaks volumes. Just make sure that yours is speaking what you want it to say. If that old chipped peace pin has a story behind it, tell the story. If you’re wearing a battered old monogram ring with the wrong initials on it, don’t keep it a secret that it belonged to your grandmother. If you’re wearing your daughter’s Wonder Woman barrette as a tie pin, wear it proudly and eccentrically, and make sure the tie is elegant. The trick is to look interesting and intentional, not accidentally silly.

For Budget Fashionistas

Helpful powder pigeon Kim in St. Louis sent me this item,

“Style isn’t something you can buy, but it is something you can develop,” shares Kathryn Finney,author of How to Be a Budget Fashionista:The Ultimate Guide to Looking Fabulous for Less….After receiving a master’s in international public health at Yale University, she started thebudgetfashionista.com, ablog about smart shopping and fit tips.”

So what do you say, guys and gals? I’ll go upstairs and die on my bed of this headache, and you go check out www.thebudgetfashionista.com!!
Read what she says about being a Hot Mama instead of being a Hootchie Mama. Good stuff, Maynard.

Off to roll around in bed and groan now!
I’m really looking forward to it!

For Bodacious Pagan Clergy Women

Before I take to my bed to die of this violent headache, I must share with you this web site for women with enormous pachangas:

http://www.igigi.com/

This is definitely not clergy-wear unless you serve a pagan congregation that expects you to look like a flowing goddess type with major cleavage at all times.

If you’re a person who gets his or her sexual mojo going by meditating on images of bodacious babes, this catalogue is for YOU!!

Me, it gave the giggles. It was the “Sale Rack” page that did it. I, in my best Groucho Marx, couldn’t help but think, “That’s a rack alright!”
Thanks, MotherBang dearest, for the link! She is home safely from England and I’m so relieved I could maybe digest some solid food soon!

P.S. For the reader who sent a link to some fabulous pumps last week, I did see them and I LERVED them!

Some Cute Boy’s Shoes

Wait a cotton pickin’ minute. I thought I got food poisoning from Heaven Cafe but I just found out that Michael had it too, on the exact same days! The plot thickens, but we can’t think of anything we ate the same except for some sorbet. It wasn’t the Revenge of the Lobster, because only Paul and I had lobster. But maybe God was smiting Michael anyway, for mocking the poor lobbie as we prepared it for our feast:

We’ll never know.

But I did want to show you Paul and Michael’s shows, boys, because they are darn cute and I thought those of you who are currently frolicking about in Crocs and Birks might like to see them for inspiration’s sake:

I don’t know the makes or anything, but I like the cuteness factor a lot. They manage to be shoes that aren’t sandals or sneakers, but not uptight Wall Street either.

Even Sick, I Will Come Through!! I MUST!

I MISSED THE EMMY’S???

:::::::::::sound of distant wailing as PeaceBang runs to tune into the “E” channel in the hopes of catching a replay of the red carpet:::::::::::::::;