Beauty Tips for Ministers

It’s Gender Ambiguous Liturgy Dude!

We have welcomed a new brother, Chris Tessone, to the ministry today, and we wish him all good blessings and joy in his priesthood.

John Plummer alerted me to photos of the occasion on Flickr, and I hope he meant it when he said that all comments were welcome, because this is just too adorable not to share with all of you:

I’m not sure what’s going on with the chasuble on the far left: is that a SHEEP applique on the front?
But look to the far right. It’s Gender Ambiguous Liturgy Dude! We’ve got the jeans and the sweat shirt, we’ve got the do’-rag and the long hair, we’ve got the sandals and the kind of tilted, super casual/endearingly goofy stance, we’ve got the STOLE to formalize it all. If Gender Ambiguous Liturgical Dude was an action figure (John, that’s not you, is it?), I would so want one for Christmas.

PeaceBang does not necessarily disapprove. She understands that Gender Ambiguous Liturgy Dude is the future of the church, and if anything, just wishes that s/he had worn a darker denim and been given a stole that was more in scale to his/her size. As it is, it looks more like a pair of suspenders than a liturgical vestment.

Did this service take place on the Feast Day of the Great Pumpkin? That is some FABULOUS orange!!

Now here’s something I’ve never seen,

and forgive my ignorance, but when I saw it I immediately thought, “Hello, I’m Father Stuart … and my home pageant is held in Dayton, Ohio!”

Will She Inspire You, Or Nurse You At Her Breast, Wipe Your Nose, and Feed You Mac And Cheese?

Clergywomen, when I talk in dire tones about jumpers, this is what I’m talking about.

This woman isn’t a minister, but you and I both know that plenty of our colleagues (and professional religious educators) have sported this Earth Mama look.

This jumper screams Romper Room circa 1975, and it’s just plain not an appropriate look for today’s religious leader. No, not even if it’s in corduroy. Not at all. Period. Not even if it’s in gold lamé.

Demons of your wardrobe begone!! Frumpy jumpers, by the power of Christ, I call you OUT of those closets!

Seen Leaving Church, Sunday Morning, Boston

Now, if this church-going lady can look this gorgeous on a hot, muggy day AND manage crutches at the same time, we can certainly make more of an effort, n’est ce-pas?*

LOVE the suit.

*however you spell it

Overheard In Boston

Scene: Gorgeous blonde standing near lamppost, wearing unbelievable Frederick of Hollywood 6″ black hooker heels with wrap-up gladiator straps all the way up her calves. PeaceBang walking down the sidewalk approaching her, male tourist doing a double-take as he passes by her going the other way, and woman with straggly blonde ponytail, baseball cap and enormous denim shorts approaching her:

Scraggly Ponytail Woman to Blonde Babe:
Jesus is coming back and He loves you.

PeaceBang (to self): And He totally wants to borrow those heels!!

Ministry Of Silly Hats

Alternating between cackling wickedly and screaming outright:

http://garethjmsaunders.co.uk/tte/vestments/sb_passports.html

After you look at the hats, click on “Return to menu” on the left and read every single one of these take-no-prisoners critiques of bad models and bad vestments from various clergy garb catalogs. You’ll be wiping yer eyes in no time.

I don’t get all of the British Isles humor and references, but thanks to Scott (BoyInTheBands) for the merriment.

Word of the Day

Blepharoplasty.

http://www.psinfocenter.com/eye_lift.php

Also known as “eye lift.”
Also known as PeaceBang’s birthday present in about five years, because serious eye droopage runs in the family.

Exhibit A:

Hmmmm. Has Betty had work done even though she swore she never would? Her famously Slavic eyes look great here!

Well, believe you me, the other members of the family (not public domain, so I can’t publish their photos) haven’t fared nearly as well in the eyelid droopage department.