Beauty Tips for Ministers

Vests, Men’s Shoes, Dressy Shorts

I went to Target today to buy some mundane household items and spent about half an hour trying on chunky necklaces (very au courant). Good therapy for the Easter-addled soul. Then I decided to swing by the clothing section — you know, just to look, on the way to the bleach and garbage bags. I had already purchased a swoon-worthy pair of Steve Madden corky platform strappy sandals at Famous Footwear and was feeling so ecstatic about them, and a pair of flattering jeans, that I figured it would be too much to ask the shopping gods for more good luck.

But when I saw the vests, I stopped short and almost wept with joy. The gods had blessed me again.
Not just vests. Fitted, gorgeous vests with LAPELS, people. Vests that flatter the curvaceous figure and also look professional with a touch of sex appeal. Vests that you can wear with a crisp white shirt and big chunky beads and a pair of black trousers and ankle-strap platforms and look just totally fabulous. I bought a black one and a grey pin-striped one. I love vests. I am so happy that I will willingly stay up all night tonight to finish my doctoral proposal that’s due in the morning.

Now let me clarify. When I say vests I am not talking about some crocheted, shapeless thing that just hangs on the body (which admittedly looks great if you’re willowy and small-bosomed and are wearing an otherwise body-conscious outfit). Not a leather vest left over from your biker days that cuts you in half and makes every body part below the vest bulge unattractively. Not one of those vaguely ethnic vests that could be cute if it wasn’t worn with a corduroy A-line skirt the size of Kentucky, or with a pair of Mom jeans and frumpy shoes. (If you’ve got one of those ethnic vests, it would be cute with a pair of fashionable cropped pants, with a nice sandal. If you have a good figure, you could wear it with a very fitted crew-neck t-shirt and a pair of dressy shorts or gauchos, with a pair of woven sandals. Very chic.)

Speaking of dressy shorts, ladies,
I went into some stores and looked at the new dressy shorts for you, and I can report that they’re not bad. PeaceBang almost bought a pair of below-the-knee lined white ones, which looked smashing when she was standing up but then didn’t look elegant enough when sitting down. If I lose another ten lbs. soon maybe I’ll go back and get them. Do check the view while seated, since this is how people see you at meetings and in counseling. And don’t go with anything above the knee if you’re considering shorts. Yes, they’re very stylish. No, they shouldn’t be above the knee. Period. Non-negotiable.

Men, I don’t think you can wear shorts for church meetings or events. I know everyone else does. I just don’t think you should. Maybe during the most sweltering days of summer you can wear a pair of Bermudas of modest length, but PeaceBang is of the opinion that it is hard to take a man seriously when he’s in shorts. Besides, khakis are handsome and linen trousers absolutely smart with a clean and pressed polo in a bright color. Don’t you want to look smart? Why, you might even find some lovely soft leather shoes that aren’t sneakers to go with your summer wear! And won’t you be smashing?

Look at these! They also come in orange and turquoise! How whimsical!
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/12658046/c/19973.html
Or these, very smart:
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/7026995/c/20.html

Note to You-Know-Who: yes, I’m coming over and going through your closet and throwing out all those disgusting, pitted-out golf shirts you insist on wearing. And not only will you not fight me about it, you’ll thank me and take me out to dinner afterwards.

Is Your Mascara Toxic?

Sister Sarah in California alerts all the beautiful readers of this blog to research their cosmetics on this site:

http://www.ewg.org/reports/skindeep/?key=nosign

You may find that your blush is full of harmful chemicals. You may learn that your hair conditioner is less about making your head all shiny and more about making the water supply unsafe. Of course I exaggerate, but considering how many products PeaceBang personally uses, and how many she is encouraging you to use, do consider this other perspective.

PeaceBang just learned that Physician’s Formula blush is listed as high risk for icky ingredients. Just goes to show, ya can’t tell anything from a name.

Let’s be careful out there!

Fresh and Young

I just found the most darling blush and lipstick and wanted to tell you about it:

The brand is Lola (slogan: Lust Often, Love Always) and the blush is just the softest pink I’ve found, and I’ve been looking for years. This is the kind of pink a pale-skinned girl wears when she wants to feel like a character in a Jane Austen novel who has just gone walking on the heath in a beautiful empire-waist dress. It doesn’t matter that in real life, she’s walking over to church to polish the Communion silver and to make Xerox copies of the order of service, she feels romantic anyway.

Lola powder blush in One Night Stand (not that PeaceBang condones such behavior, of course, she just likes the blush), which comes in the most adorable red compact with the most cunning little powder puff applicator! I’m sure a blush brush would work, too. You need a very light hand with this stuff, and it’s got to be blended like mad or you wind up looking eccentric rather than romantic, with two crazy clown apple cheeks.

If you’re into pale pink lipsticks — and I am, when a bit tan* and well-rested, as it looks great with a dramatic black eyeliner — Lola makes several and one of them is bound to work on you. I bought Tea Rose, and squealed when I found the mirror on the side of the lipstick case!

*by that I mean, “tan by the magic of Trish McEvoy bronzer” not “baked to a nice pre-cancerous condition by the actual sun”

PeaceBang Recommends:

Lola powder blush in One Night Stand
Lola lipstick in Tea Rose
Available at Sephora.com

Your Easter Eyes

Darlings, I’ve been noticing that many of us d’un certain age (French for “don’t ask me how old I am”) are suffering the unnecessary effects of heavily shadowed eyes, and I don’t mean shadowed by Max Factor, but by stress, sleeplessness, and the burdens of serving the Lord. Some of us look like we’ve spent more time in the tomb than Lazarus, but not to worry, dear and reverend friends, PeaceBang is here to help!

Just put a wee pump of L’Oreal’s Infallible Make-Up, which is just genius at creating a nice, even complexion and staying on all day, onto your hand. Make sure your face is clean and moisturized, and that the moisurizer has had a minute or two to soak in (and you know that moisturizer should have an SPF, right? Don’t count on your make-up’s SPF — it’s dinky and doesn’t provide the necessary UVA/UVB protection, no matter what it says).

Dot the make-up on your face and blend, blend, blend but here’s the important tip: DON’T forget to put the merest amount ON your eyelids and under them, and all the way into the corner of the eye. That’s where all the shadows are! Erase them! Don’t feel you have to slap the foundation on every inch of your face. The idea is to get a shade that matches perfectly (Classic Ivory is PeaceBang’s perfect match) and to even out the skin tone, not make you look like a china doll.

Now, if you’re over 25 and you want to protect your eyes from developing crow’s feet (which are a charming sign of character, of course, but charming in moderation), you want to have also applied Kiehl’s Ultra Protection Moisturizing Eye Gel SPF 15 under your eye. Dab, dab, dab, don’t rub. Men, you too. The lovely side effect of using this particular product is that it gives your skin the merest hint of a glow that stays and stays all day. This eye cream is inexpensive enough that I keep one in my bag for touch-ups and between that and my big sunglasses, I swear my crow’s feet are much diminished from a few years ago. Of course I also use a heavier eye cream at night. Find one and use it. Religiously.

If you’re not devoted to eye shadow (and I’m not as of late — too creasy), a dusting of illuminating powder will brighten the area nicely and set off your eyeliner, if you wear it. I do. MAC black liquid, which I don’t recommend if you’re not dramatic and steady of hand.

Clinique makes a nifty shadow duo that comes in a cunning silver case with a sponge applicator AND a little brush (and a mirror that is large enough to actually use! O joy of joys!) that seems to me would work with most complexions. It’s very sheer and it’s called Rose Wine. The Rose is a lovely soft powder color to wear all over your lid, and the Wine is a lovely very light brown/purple shade that works as a contrast color or to smudge on as eyeliner. This is the kind of make-up that women who don’t want to wear make-up can handle. Heavens, I’ve got it on now and you can hardly tell anything’s there.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think mascara is optional. I’m very orthodox that way. I’m devoted to CoverGirl Remarkable in black, because it washes off with gentle soap and you don’t have to slather on a bunch of pore-clogging mineral oil to get it off.

Don’t forget to find that eyebrow pencil we were talking about. Frame the face! Frame the face! Don’t overpluck! Get professional help if you need it! Every decent salon nowadays has an eyebrow specialist and it’s a $10 investment, once or twice a year.

PeaceBang Recommends:

Kiehl’s Ultra Protection Moisturizing Eye Gel SPF 15
L’Oreal Infallible Never Fail Make-Up
Clinique Colour Surge Eye Shadow Duo in Rose Wine
CoverGirl Remarkable Washable Mascara

I Will Send You A Comforter

I know when Jesus promised to send a Comforter to us, he didn’t mean this,
but for a minister with easily inflamed skin, it feels like a miracle:

Origins Comforting Solution
Sensitive Skin Soother

I’ve been using it for a week morning and night, and no more red blotchy spots when I get flushed or have a glass of red wine.

Alleluia!

Make-Up Tips, Part I

[This post appeared in March, 2006 on my regular PeaceBang blog. It was the inspiration for Sister of PeaceBang to begin nagging me to start a Beauty Tips blog. Okay, sis, this is for you! - P.B.]

Oh wow!
PeaceBang is ecstatic!

I’ve had several e-mails off line asking for make-up tips for those women who never ever wear the stuff. I clap my hands with glee! I’m still waiting for the hate mail from women who will accuse me of being in league with the patriarchy, or at worst, with the ghost of Estee Lauder. But really, you have to understand that on rainy days when I was little, Mother of PeaceBang put out big shoeboxes of her old make-up (I shudder to think of the bacterial festival contained therein) and set up a little Hollywood-lit make-up table for my sister and me. We carefully made up our wee little faces and the glamour was thrilling! How could we go back to fresh-scrubbedness? (Although Sister of PeaceBang can get by to this day with a tiny brushing of bronzer, a light lick of black eyeliner and her favorite Clinique lipstick in something like Ballerina Pink. She is ageless, and although we argue about over-plucking eyebrows, she hasn’t cut her own bangs since third grade and has looked smashing ever since. Even during the Perm Era). But I digress. You asked about make-up.

1. Start with the cheap stuff, but take your time choosing shades. Shop at a store with a good return policy, like Rite-Aid or CVS.

2. Listen up. These products are wonderful:

> Maybelline Express Make-up 3 In 1. It’s less than $5, and it’s a handy, blendable make-up stick that you can use to blend away ruddy spots and other blotchy skins sections, or use it lightly all over your face. Blend, blend, blend. It’s very lightweight so you won’t feel like you’re wearing make-up at all.

> Covergirl Remarkable Washable Waterproof Mascara. In black. It washes off but it’s waterproof! How genius is that? Safe for contact wearers. Also under $5. Best with an eyelash curler, which I have been using for 25 years with no mishaps, but I don’t want to push you too far. Let me just say this: they totally open up the eye.

> Revlon Skinlights Face Illuminator. This is a light powder that is gorgeous and shimmery. You don’t want to use it all over your face: get a basic pressed powder compact to blot away shine (for heaven’s sake, you at LEAST have a powder compact, don’t you?) and use this on your cheekbones and eyelids to create a dewy look. Good for those who don’t want to graduate into eye shadow just yet. Makes you look rested and radiant, especially if you haven’t exfoliated recently (which you should have, with something gentle. Throw away that nasty apricot scrub by St. Ives immediately, girlfriend, it’s just like using sandpaper!).
Use a light touch with this product. You don’t want to look like Reverend Disco Fever.

> I cannot LIVE without CoverGirl Outlast All-Day Lipcolor in Blush Pearl. It’s a neutral color that I think would look great on any skin tone no matter how light or dark (but you’ll have to write and tell me). You paint your lips with it, let it dry, and you’re gorgeous for hours and hours and hours. It comes with a moisturizing topcoat that keeps things shiny and comfortable. It doesn’t come off on your coffee cup, it doesn’t come off on your lover, it doesn’t come off through a morning of preaching and meetings although if you’re like me, you have seventeen or eighteen lip glosses on your person and in your car that you layer over anyway. And speaking of which, Rimmel makes a FABULOUS $4 gloss that actually has a bit of lasting power (by which I mean maybe an hour, which is a long time for lip gloss). But the CoverGirl is a lip color that doesn’t make you look like you’re wearing lipstick. If you want to look like you’re wearing lipstick, there are thousands of choices. But keep in mind that anything too purply will age you and bring attention to jowliness, and too waxy is very out of fashion. Sheer is a good bet, and save the bright bright red for either a very tailored suit look, or keep it away from church altogether unless you’re a fairly dramatic type (and even then, you don’t want anything too drippy and vampy).
Men should have a lip balm, too. Chapped kissers don’t look nice on anyone.

3. When it comes to applying make-up, blend, blend, blend. Do invest in a nice powder brush, again available at the drugstore. When you buy blush, don’t imagine that the cheap little brush in the package will be appropriate. And you should buy blush. Consider a creme blush that you dab on with your fingers, and blend, blend, blend. All of which does not mean that you should use so little that we can’t even tell the difference. Play at home! Find your look!

4. You asked about eyebrow pencil. I admit that I spend $25 for a Lancome item called poudre something, which just means that it’s powdery. It lasts for about five months, so at $5 a month or 16 cents a day, I’m willing to pay. The color matches my natural eyebrows perfectly, and to me it’s worth it. The trick to eyebrow pencil is to get a good grip on the pencil, and with a LIGHT TOUCH, fill in your brows with feathery strokes. No drawing big, strong lines unless you want to look like an ancient eccentric drama teacher. You’re just filling in, you’re not trying to look like Nelson Eddy in one of those operettas with Jeanette McDonald.

5. Skin care is for everyone, boys and girls. Use SPF, for God’s sake, or you’ll look like my colleague with the bright pink honker and cheeks whose sunburnt skin comes off in big patches during the summer and makes you want to choke into your gin and tonic. Dandruff care is part of skin care: your scalp is skin. Take care of it.
Exfoliate, gently. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Kiehl’s makes a fabulous undereye gel with SPF. Pat it on gently and it will give you a dewy glow after it dries (but it will smear your eyeliner if you’re wearing it on your lower lid, which I mostly don’t). Don’t be afraid of bronzer, white people, which can warm up your whole face in the dead of winter and spare you from overdoing it with the blush. Bronzer is the new lipstick, and they make it even for the fairest of skin. I had my doubts but I now own a beautiful bronzer by Trish McEvoy and it’s wonderful stuff; you can hardly tell it’s there but I don’t look pasty anymore. Dust lightly over the cheeks, forehead and nose - everywhere the sun hits. And if you’re a chubby and have two chins, I’ll teach you a little shading trick I learned from Pam.

6. And this is very important: Have a Booger Patrol. When I was installed, I gathered my Search Committee around me and said, “Your job is over, but I have a sacred trust to extend to you now. You were the Search Committee that got me here to this church, and from now on, I need you to be my Booger Patrol. If I have sand in my eyes or toilet paper sticking on my shoe or my skirt tucked into my pantyhose or my perfume is too strong or I have something crusty in my nose or spinach on my tooth, you’ve got to tell me.”
They solemnly agreed. Everyone in public leadership needs a Booger Patrol. Mine has told me more than once that my slip is showing or I have a glob of hair product in the back of my head that didn’t get worked in enough. They are the ones who will tell me honestly if I have garlic breath.

Don’t read this and groan, “how much time does she think I HAVE in the morning?” Once you get the hang of it, this is a five minute operation. I, of course, take about 25 minutes to do it all (including hair) on Sundays because it’s a form of meditation and preparation for me. On other days, it’s a quick brush and curl and paint and I’m done.

Embrace the possibilities! Go forth and make-up!

PeaceBang recommends:

Maybelline Express Make-Up 3-In-1
CoverGirl Remarkable Washable Waterproof Mascara
CoverGirl Outlast All Day Lipcolor in Blush Pearl
Revlon Skinlights Face Illuminator
Decent make-up brushes
Trish McEvoy powder bronzer (available in finer stores and salons)